My company is offering a suicide mitigation plan which pays for 50% of an entry level cremation, and 200 hours of babysitting a year in case I decide to off myself because of work related stress. The perks are one of the reasons I wanted to work for them.

Troll harder.

Nothing wrong with being single if that's what you want. I'm more poking fun at people who would like to be in a relationship (or so they say) but make absurd lists which preemptively rule out almost every human being they'll ever meet on a technicality, regardless of how great they may be otherwise.

Maybe this will finally put to rest the rumors (and I mean rumors that circulate among doctors who then give bad advice or refuse to provide IUDs to their patients) that women who haven't given birth can't have an IUD. There's no better way to cause a woman to give birth than to irrationally deny her access to the…

Can't she just dump ice water on the guy with ALS or something. I read about that a few weeks ago on the internet.

Hat-Themed wedding.

I think her name was Carmindy or something like that. She has a makeup line now. I can't freakin' believe I know this shit. Yet I can't remember anything from the Stats class I took in college.

Check yourself, Mark. Octopi are ADORABLE. They're also incredibly intelligent and they will one day be kind rulers once they've enslaved humanity... I mean... uh... YOU SAW NOTHING, HUMAN!

Cereal is also this:

Nobody puts Baby on the floor.

I think some of the issue is the identity assignments themselves. I don't think of my friends as being child-free friends or parent-friends—they're my friends, each with a different kind of lifestyle. I call shenanigans when my friends categorize themselves in that way. And I don't like all the assumptions that…

see this excuse doesn't work. Cuz you know what happens when you have kids?

The problem is, by saying you only feel sympathy for their children and not for these women stuck doing something they regretted, you're ensuring that women will continue to feel ashamed for having these feelings and they won't speak about this frankly to people close to them or anyone else, and will keep these…

I really think Angelina and Jen should do a movie together. Maybe a Thelma & Louise re-boot (with Brad Pitt in the same role as last time). That would make the universe explode.

Not even ashamed: I am fascinated by the temperature outside on flights. I want to point it out to everyone around me. DID YOU SEE THAT?! That's COLD. No shit, me. You're thousands of feet in the air.

And how will I binge watch House Hunters on HGTV when I'm flying to the East coast? Might be for the best, as I inevitably become angry and resentful of the house hunters themselves.

Team cat headquarters here,

The photo shows her smoking. You don't know whether she was pregnant in the photo. If you gave her the firing squad, you'd kill the (hypothetical) fetus, too. So, not really sure what you're after, here. Policing a woman's choice to smoke if she wants to? Or shouldn't women be allowed to smoke, if there's a chance…