I should have added an addendum: unless you're incredibly wealthy.

Well according to Arthurian legend, Geoffrey Chaucer, and Steeleye Span, the answer all the way down should have been "all their will." Translation: "someone who actually does what I want for a change." Come on guys, even the Medievalists figured it out.

I just got INTO IT with a girl I was really close to in high school. She basically blamed Obama because apparently we're all going to get ebola and he's hiding it from us? and I realized that she has officially gone off the rails.

This is so unbelievable that is has to be true. Back when I was just a dopey kid, probably around age 8, my dad came to me and asked for some help wrapping the gift he'd bought his wife, the mother to his, at that time, seven kids for Christmas. Mom had gone shopping, and so I said okay and went to get the wrapping…

She then responded "it's the only way we can be sure that he has showered." I don't know what their exact deal is (friends with bennies, maybe?) but every time they do an interview together, they rib one another mercilessly. It's delightful.

The very best thing about getting older is the zero fucks I now give about being cool. I just like what I like, and I like this.

I feel like I have just as many friends who are in happy, long term relationships with people they met "in real life settings" as those who met online, either on like-minded sites or on actual, bonafide dating sites.

Everyone check your pants because I just lost my shit.

My period is the one, single thing that every doctor I ever went to asks me about first. When was your last period? When do you expect your next period? Do you ever miss periods?

...the surprise wasn't backstage. Where was it? Well, you've got to watch the video for that.

Regarding Fahrenheit 451, we were reading aloud in high-school English class. And one student is reading, and he is skipping all of the "damns" and the "god damns", and he gets to a sentence which says something along the lines of "We have fought and won two nuclear wars since 1960." But the reader skips the "since…

"Green Lantern's box office failure shows that the market is over saturated with white male superheroes, so we're going to hold off for the time being." — No one ever.

"feminists....need to be reminded who's boss around here....otherwise the UEA is going to have to rape harder...."

Of course, based on the timing at which the allegations begin, the rapist will know who is behind it and potentially target her for additional harassment or attacks. Don't tell rape victims what they NEED to do or even should do, unless the thing that they need to do or should do is "make the decision that will keep…

I am a parent of two kids in this district, and this new school board terrifies me. I don't even know how they managed to get elected (oh yeah, they totally lied and kept their agenda secret until they were in office.) They are set and determined to bulldoze this entire community. I'm amazed by how much damage…

Those tweets are the only positive thing about this absolute clusterfuck. Yet again, I honestly thought this was some kind of Onion joke (thanks, 8am) until I realized this was a nationally reported story.

I wish I could win the lottery just so I could give these kids a scholarship to college:

The funniest part to me is the notion that sophisticated software is what keeps all the planes landing at airports from crashing into each other.

It is the mark of a true, old-fashioned gentleman to respect the fact that every young woman is another man's future wife.