And, um, how does he expect to enforce this? Pastoral pat-downs to check for underwear? Strip-search? Da fuq...

alpacalipsnow: "Oh, God!"

God: "Yes?"

alpacalipsnow: "Oh, God!"

God: "Yes, child?"

alpacalipsnow: "Oh, God!"

God: "WHAT, for fuck's sake?"

alpacalipsnow: "Oh God oh God oh God!"

God: "What, what, what??? I... oh, Me damn it, this again? You know, it would be nice to hear from you once in a while when you're NOT all sweaty…

Yeah, and next thing you know healing, prayers, and baptisms are going to involve a lot of extra touchy-feely. You can't tell me this guy doesn't have a master molestation plan. Start handing out awareness pamphlets with "help" hotline #s at the door now.

How do you expect to be immaculately knocked-up?

Just wait until they start menstruating all over the church floor. Then the no underwear rule will magically disappear.

Well finally people will stop saying things like "him??? no way he would never do that!!!! he is an honest family man!!! He's not the kind to do things like that"

Good for you! Some times you really do have to just urp it all out before the perspective can happen. Good luck!

You're quite welcome and you didn't come off as selfish- that sounds like a completely reasonable way to deal.

That said, I fully endorse this joke because I will never get tired of watching actresses pretend to eat food.

People keep saying mispronounced. Ellen mispronounced it. Travolta straight made up a new name. His name is now Javert Tromblotvent.

Woody Allen issue aside, I loved what Cate had to say about women in film. "The earth is round, people." What a great way to put it.

I had a handcrafted headdress that my great-grandpa made for me (half Native American, half Spanish. He never knew his heritage, as his mother was forcibly removed as a child and grew up the "Indian Daughter" of some pioneers) that I absolutely loved. I brought it to school for cultural awareness month, and got…

For those who don't understand why wearing headdresses is offensive: Imagine that a bunch of people who have never served in the military started wearing Purple Hearts as jewelry. Now imagine that we're wearing it while dancing at a strip club. It's offensive because we're wearing something we didn't earn. We're…

Wow you sound like Ultra mega cunt. Good job.

No, it doesn't.

No problem. Glad to help. As you get older and you ruin some friendships, you gain some wisdom.

Happy belated birthday. I'm sorry your friends couldn't support you. You have every right to be pissed, and if they ask, tell them.

I know! Immediate thought was: ''Ooooh, I want to sing The Little Mermaid with Matt Damon and twirl around my living room! Then I would like to have bed-breaking sex with him.''

I mean, obviously she was hired to be his escort for the night. But I don't think that makes it acceptable that someone put on blackface and harassed her.

If someone you don't know pays you to attend an event with them because they think you are pretty/sexy, and you only go because they are paying you, you are an escort. To take a job as an escort and then be surprised that it is awkward, skeezy or shady is stupid. You're an escort and that typically means your work is…