“Native protesters were shot while in a prayer circle.” -> They should have moved out of the way / not been there / not existed.

I’ve never put it like this, but holy hell, you’re right.

It’s just word salad. He’s trying to simultaneously stay on brand for his base (ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS!) while appealing to The African Americans (CIVIL RIGHTS!) without understanding anything about anything.

I’d like to counter your common sense, if I may.

How do you sustain a 2-hour bath?! In my heart I love the idea of this, but I would be a literal prune after 2 hours, plus the water gets cold, plus I’d get lightheaded from the steam...I need a logistical map or a flow chart or something. Help me live my best bath life.

To me, it looks like the police were escorting him back to his car. If they’d wanted to cuff & search him, they could have done that near their own cruiser. If they’d wanted him to lie down on the pavement, they’d have instructed him to lie down on the pavement.

Exactly. Whenever there was a big event, I’d see the Gawker item come up first, then wait for the similar Jezebel item on the subject so that I could discuss things in the comments without the vitriolic racism/sexism that always seemed to bubble up on the Gawker main page.

Jesus. This thing is a hot mess. If I wanted a needy, demon-possessed, scatterbrained, travel-sized money pit with an exaggerated sense of its own beauty and importance, I would adopt a cat and save myself $600.

Truth.

I humbly suggest striding (stride-waddling) into his office in mid-February, round and glorious, and giving his boss a piece of your mind in front of his whole company. You can blame *anything* on pregnancy hormones, or so I’m told.

Back in the primaries, I mentally started captioning every picture of him as: “Donald Trump, shitting.”

THANK YOU. This is the photo in the dictionary next to “internally screaming.”

They all got to exchange hugs with Beyoncé and I went Peak Feminist and started screaming at the TV that Bey needs to cast them in a music video.

That sounds like an incredibly tough situation for both of you. I’d echo what other people have said. Two friends of mine, a couple, once hit a similar point where the husband was deeply depressed and not trying to overcome it. His wife finally told him: I can endure this if it’s temporary, but this can’t be how we…

This sounds fabulous. How many shows is the sweet spot? I don’t think I could watch 5 movies in a row, even with bathroom breaks. But obviously minimum is two if you’re making a day of it. And do you bring your own snacks or indulge in $12 popcorn tubs?

This.

You know, that (plus a detailed and thoughtful apology written by someone who actually understands what he should be apologizing for) might be enough for me. Not “enough” in a literal sense — I believe he raped a woman, I believe he doesn’t personally feel responsible or remorseful, and I believe it would be a…

I would rather be Gray Forever than be ungrayed along with a bunch of trolls. Keep them down in the Great Gray Sea, even if you have to keep me down there with them.

She’s female. Trump can’t insinuate that Hillary’s unfit to rule if he’s got his very own Lady VP.

What if the bubble zone was a literal thing and women could wear inflatable bubble suits and bounce down the sidewalk? It's within my right and I'd get to scatter these assholes like hate-filled bowling pins. Win all around.