That is a movie where it is not only okay, but encouraged to watch by yourself. ;) You will be glad you’re alone after the finale dances.

Obviously you’re gonna go see a doctor ASAP, but if it helps with the worry in the meantime, I found a lump in my breast a few years ago, freaked out for a very long time bc I was uninsured, and when I finally got into a clinic for an exam, it was just some stupid benign cyst. So: be vigilant and thorough and all…

Seconding everything the others have said, plus: take classes! I’ve made friends through Spanish classes (both other students and the teacher, who is the same age as the rest of us). Yoga classes are good, but only if the class size is small enough that you can recognize people’s faces from week to week; my local…

The second someone says they feel suicidal, they need help. Everything else needs to wait until he gets into therapy. All of your other concerns are legitimate and worth addressing, but nothing is as urgent as getting him into treatment.

Man, fuck phone companies. I had a motherfucker of a time with T-Mobile a few years back and I would rather light my hair on fire than go back to their customer service.

Yep. Whenever someone throws out “states rights!” (or, God forbid, tariffs), I just ask them, “states right to do WHAT?” There is never a good answer. It was all about protecting the culture and economy of slavery.

Put Benadryl in his cereal on election day.

You left Carson CONSPICUOUSLY out of this Civil War debate...

“Santa is my friend” was the clear winner for me.

It’s hard to out-Arizona Arizona, but I think Florida could do it.

Tell your son I would vote for him! Also, I’m so happy that he got a gold star for listening - it’s very important to listen to other people, and being a good listener would make him a great president!

Carson. Halfway through the battle you notice him standing in the corner, his back to the action, tearing off pieces of the fan and eating them one by one, an expression of serene bemusement on his face.

Right?!?! Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

Ben Carson: Toss-up between a pebble, a hammer, or this thing.

Ugh, the average joe thing. My only explanation for that is that conservatives tend to have a faith-leaning mindset, where the more you argue with them factually, the more they plug their ears and revert to what they believe should be true. So it makes sense that conservatives in particular don’t want an “intellectual…

Pre-fucking-cisely.If you’re gonna get followed in a store, it’s not gonna be by someone who took the time to parse whether you’re black from Zimbabwe or black from next door.

We are all thinking way too small here. The real question is: would you sleep with Donald Trump in exchange for all of his money and all of his delegates?

This is what every single dictator’s home would look like if they had Trump’s money. They're all just a bunch of pricks with massive inferiority complexes.

1. What the super fuck?