“The Great Teleporter Riots of 1996” is my new favorite thing.

Apparently the traffic cone was deadspin and the merkin was gothamist.

I’m determined to make this next year’s March Madness bracket.

I have been dreaming of this for months. Somebody please make this a Thing.

I think someone used “wonka factory escapee” early on and didn’t want to retread old territory.

I am still pulling for next year’s Jezebel March Madness to just be 32 of these insults in a battle to the death.

Enraged rapidly-dissolving Mentos mint in a bottle of Fanta

I clicked on this post specifically because I needed this question answered. Thank you, kind Internet stranger.

Based on the fact that the accused and the judge had a good 20 minutes of private conversation, I’m guessing it was more of a “million of my dollars to one of your dismissals!” defense. Justice is blind, stupid, and for sale.

*right-clicks gif*

God I would be livid if someone made me fight over a bunch of materialistic bullshit like that. It’s one thing to give every single staff member the same present, but allowing it to get competitive has got to be so he could enjoy watching the squabbles. Yuck.

I’m glad to hear (ahem, terribly sorry, but also glad) that other people’s childhoods were scarred by 90s sci-fi movies. Your alien-puppet-man is my velociraptors-opening-doors.

Y’all are doing something right!

UUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH to all that. Thanks for sharing your experience (and sorry that your experience has been so negative).

Wow, that sounds like a great place to volunteer. Thanks for spotlighting it; I’ll have to check them out!

I knew firefighters could be volunteers, but I had no idea EMTs could learn through volunteer classes as well. Thanks for sharing! I can’t do it right now, but I will tuck the thought into a mental back pocket for the future.

We were sitting in separate chairs when my drunken self had a great idea about how to really ~smoothly~ work my way into a hookup. I went over and sat in his lap and then exclaimed “wow it’s sooo hot in here I need to take my shirt off!” before taking my shirt off.

This is a totally random question mostly unrelated to your story, but are you British? I’m guessing from word choices like “mad” and “rubbish”. And I’m bothering to ask at all because you said you have a thing for accents, and I as an American find British accents to be the apex of beautiful accents. (All of the UK,…

KenKen is the best! I also recommend samurai sudoku for anyone who finds regular sudoku too damn quick/easy. The level options are Easy, Medium, Hard, Evil, and Fiendish. :D