i am dyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyying

Excellent choice. For me it’s Gladiator. I know the fight choreography well enough to be Maximus’s stunt double. I also mutter, “It vexes me, I’m terribly vexed” whenever I’m working on something difficult.

I don’t understand people who think bathrooms cannot be peed in / pooped in. That is the purpose of the room. It’s the place we go to put our bodily fluids directly into a water-filled bowl and then flush them through a series of pipes to a land far, far away. Bathrooms are the best thing humanity has ever invented.

Yes, the coffee poop. How the hell do people get through a whole day at the office without pooping if they drink coffee? Mine is 2 hours after the first cup, and it Will Not Be Denied.

My office stall situation is:

That is the most salient response I have seen thus far.

If you are in the same room with someone who is smoking pot, THC will show up in your drug test. I agree with you that no one should drink and drive, and no one should smoke or do any kind of drug and then get behind the wheel of a car. The problem is that our detection system for THC picks up on amounts so small that…

The only way they seem relevant to me is that the timing of her suicide seems suspicious, but there are no signs of a struggle to imply it was murder. If she was drugged, willingly or otherwise, it would explain why there are no signs that she put up a fight. Honestly, from the beginning I’ve been wondering if either…

A friend of mine is a government contractor and will leave the room the instant anyone starts smoking, for precisely that reason. She got into a major fight with her landlord a few years back because she lived in a duplex and the guys who lived on the second floor were lighting up constantly and she could smell it,…

I’d love this bracket to be Jon Stewart’s Trump insults on one side and Gawker insults on the other side.

See also:

Ooh look, they already found you! Here, in case you need more firepower:

London woman, 1888: I had all these interesting things going on in my life, and then some asshole obsessed with violence against women came along and made it all about him.

Listen, Butterball and Peanut Butter do not need to compete. I have two ovaries. They can each explode one.

I cannot look at this without guffawing. I have had to turn my laughter into a cough three times in a row and I still can’t stop watching it.

You’re misquoting her. The actual quote is:

Yeah, the analogy is terribly creepy no matter what, but the comparison even works against him in this case. When a cow is ready to be milked, yes, you can get your free fucking milk because the cow really really wants to be milked. However, when the cow is not ready to be milked and you try to milk it anyway, you…

I would argue in the reverse: I think the implied logic is that women are the ones who are capable of control, while men and their urges are completely uncontrollable. Therefore women should defer to their husbands’ sexual needs, lest the men seek fulfillment outside of the marriage; but women should also be meek and…

Or the guys who want to know if you’re a natural redhead while directing the question to your crotch.