Anyone who works with kids and doesn’t respond to bathroom/sick warnings like a 5-alarm fire deserves to be puked on. Kids don’t know their bodies well enough to give you 20 minutes warning; if a kid says “I’m sick” that puke is already locked and loaded.

You deserve a motherfucking medal. I dry heaved just thinking about it.

I recommend cutting it in a spiral, like a cinnamon bun or nautilus shell. Then accidentally dropping the icing-covered knife on the floor and going, “Teehee! I have no idea how to use sharp objects! The sharpest thing I own is a nail file! Which end of the knife do I grip again?”

I love my plaids, but even more I love our crest: a half-naked warrior brandishing a broadsword, gesturing at a crown, and shouting "This I'll defend!" Translation: "Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got, I'm still MacFarlane from the block, so bitch step off my diamonds or I will cut you."*

Yay, reasonable discourse!

Speaking in generalities, and specifically for the US (can't speak for the rest of the world, though I'd guess perceptions are similar across the board):

I know it's been a month, but thank you for this response! I will definitely take this advice, starting with an avatar that is not a sad brown pixel pile.

I...hmm. I really like the first part of this comment, specifically "They could not possibly be so innocent that they did not understand the meaning of a middle age man flying all the way across the country to ask their daughter to fly away with him." We're agreed 100000000000%.

I got food poisoning on vacation in Peru and had a dysfunctional digestive system for 3 weeks. I normally vacillate between 145-155 lbs, but I was 135 at that point and feeling icky and skeletal.

I agree with you that harnessing the lowest common denominator of the Internet and getting them to give money to charity has its benefits. But this line is where we part ways:

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa no why

Call me savage but I'm okay with a good old fashioned, middle-of-the-road compromise: maiming. We don't want to kill you, but we can't lock you up? Congratulations, that means you are losing a limb. You're a doctor, so the plus side is we won't take your hands, but the downside is that one of us lesser-qualified folks…

I see what you're saying, but I agree with the author that setting up your tools, outlining, creating a schedule, etc. are valuable tasks that can drastically streamline your work efforts.

In the course of an arrest being made, the arrested individual sustained injuries.

I'm going to go with: Yes, all of this is bad. You should probably not be anywhere near her, tbh.

I filet my M&Ms bag, opening one end, then peeling down the two long ends until I have a sort of 2-page leaflet of an M&Ms wrapper, on which I spread out all the M&Ms for sorting. I then make flowers with them, 6 M&Ms around the edge and one in the center. I eat the flower, then make another, until the M&Ms are gone.…

This is my go-to. They ain't cheap, but the designs are beautiful.

It's the preferred term in Canada. In the USA, the preferred terms are American Indians and Native Americans.

I voted in AZ (land of McCain) in 2008. I was standing in line to cast my ballot for Obama when I realized that a cluster of young Republicans was right behind me. They were sure McCain was going to win because, and I quote,

I have had athlete's foot for a while now - getting to the point where it can be embarrassing to be asked to take off my shoes in someone's home if I've been walking around a lot that day. Any more tips? I'll take all the advice I can get.