That's how you get a staph infection.

You set up a pretty good misdirection joke, but where's the punch line?

Why

Looks great on my phone

is that you?

Mohammed Atta should have been the last designated hitter.

What is Ethan Carter up to now and when can he get on Lucha Underground?

Wu..uh, Wu Tang?

This is how you make a landscape comment.

That’s a 4 unit 300-level course at ASU.

Holmes on Homes, eh?!

That LSD will cause flashbacks when operating dangerous machinery.

Is it still packaged with a tiny straw?

Ryan Grigson looks like Adam Baldwin’s stunt double.

Zack Snyder liked this comment

“Danny being upset that his boyfriend (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) was cheating on him, so he throws a brick through a window. This is actually what starts the Stonewall riots in this movie.”

I have a 5s running 7.whatever ios. Is this new fucking thing going to make Safari slow and shitty? I hate upgrading os’s.

The Padres color guy asked why doctors can’t replace the ligament with “an alloy” in Tommy John surgery.

Holy shit you’re stupid.

Producers kicked me off the show when I wouldn’t remove my sais from my obi and I only did one pull-up.