He even has the perfect villain name: "Ruin Tomorrow"

That's easy: start with the fact that you don't own a t.v.

I tried it a few times with an ex-girlfriend. The allure seemed to be (1) competition through charting your times/reps against others (they post the freaking times online for everyone to see), (2) coaching-as-approval, and (3) mutual admiration.

Agreed.

I literally cannot focus on it. I try and then my eyes go crossed and I miss the bus to Flavor Town.

That Nigerian manager is one cool cucumber.

That and the goal posts. They are being hit with regularity. But yes, the goalie is playing very well.

As long as you are on the field, you can take the kick. This is more interesting if the game goes to PKs at end of match (in knock out rounds).

Seems like Portugal's plan is to throw long balls for Ronaldo to hopefully track down ... and then send 20 feet over the crossbar.

If it weren't for the giant lip quivers, you'd have no idea of their sadness.

And look at Kobe's Achilles tendon! Totally not frayed and stretched out. Sooooo fake.

Gahhhh! This brings up unpleasant memories of trying to "pass" the foam football and then getting into days-long arguments with my friends over the resulting completion/incompletion. We really needed instant replay back then.

Shouldn't his hat be pink?

Mom worked those metal handrails like she's had some prior experience with umm, cylindrical metal objects in front of a mostly male, drunk crowd.

*fewer supplies

That's a clown comment, bro.

Watch the inspirational one last. It makes up a great deal for the ass-hattery of the other ones.

Two words: wizard sleeve.

Don't question the silly subject-verb "agreement" that is coyly used by those "in the know" about socc...er...football. You are obviously one of the numerous unwashed socc...er...football illiterates who should just go back to munching on Fritos and chugging energy drinks. I bet you also call the…

"If that's what the book says, take the book and burn it," Nance said.