Fuck your ranch. Marinara's the only option.

I just feel like this whole country is trolling me now. Unarmed black men beaten and killed in the streets and hundreds of racists donate money to the white cop perpetrator while also posting insanely racist messages, meanwhile white folks carry around assault rifles while they're shopping at WalMart completely…

people brag about things they've bought.

I honestly think that in this, Our Year of the Twerk, Nicki Minaj just went "You want wiggling butts? I'll give you wiggling butts. I'll give you the most ridiculous amount of butts you could ever imagine, and no one else will ever talk about any other butts ever again. And then I'll laugh my way out of the song all…

Jenny Shimizu!! She's so strikingly beautiful. Congrats!

1.) How does one learn to move their ass like that? I would give them all my money.

Why would there be? It's not like he is some bastion of celebrity wisdom that anyone would ever look to for focus - seriously, you had to say Sons of Anarchy's Chuck Zito. No one knows this dude.

I HAVE NO IDEA. HOLD ME.

I was JUST thinking "HEY IT MIGHT BE TIME FOR BCO" and then IT APPEARED.

I'm not sure I'd say this leaked, its more of a discharge or maybe seepage.

I did it!!!!

I'm of the mindset that PMS removes the bullshit-tolerance all women have, and puts us on dude-level for a few days. Guys rarely put up with shit, and they don't have to justify it with a hormonal imbalance. I like my PMS for that reason - I don't have to pretend to give a shit when I'm just not feeling it. It's…

Jesus Christ Lindy that clip!

PIZZA CAKE

I'm embarrassed to say that I flipped out at the Dunkin' Doughnuts at JFK, because I just didn't understand that they want you to tell them how you want your coffee. I just want my coffee. I want to put the cream and sugar in myself, and after a red eye, I just didn't understand the whole we mix your coffee thing. …

"In Massachusetts, that tends to mean cream and sugar."

Can people PLEASE stop publicly shaming their kids? I know it's cute when you put the "I eat my own feces" sign on a dog, but kids have actual social consequences. It's not okay to BE the bully in your kid's life.

I'm doubtful that strategy will end well.

Good luck, chuck.