The Jeep-fixing touch powers cannot be turned off; basically, you will never be able to wrench on a Jeep again, though other vehicles are fair game.

You haven’t spoken to your mother in a year?

Did they advance the death wobble? I mean, is it next generation or even full on autonomous death wobble?

Russia scoffs cars and coffee and shows us plane crashes and meteor attacks from their dash cams

Twinkies are the opposite of a problem. They are a solution. For everything.

I know how to ride a horse, but that is simply because I was allowed to put a saddle on my au pair growing up and ride her around the house.

Seems like you’d be really great at dinner parties.

That joke is in almost all of the other comments, and I don’t get it.

Back at you, although I’d subtract the awkward part. I OWN who I am.

When he decided to sell the car, he should have Cena lawsuit coming.

Chewbacca getting an enema by a pineapple.

I’m at work. My volume is off.

She Can’t Hear How Bald I Am.

It sounds like Autoblog burning through debt just to stay in business.

This was actually Written in the style of William Shatner, not the 5-7-5 of Haiku ;)

A wet fart through a desk fan?

Priuses, vegans and polar bears concurrently exploding.

Stone Cold Steve Austin gargling wood screws

Ahem: “Brrrrrub Brrrrrub Braap Braap Brrrrrrrrrrrub Brap Braaaaaaaap”

This seems like something that would happen in Canada.