EggSquid

UberCart, an innovative new micro-ride service by Uber

The bougie, fashion-forwardness of this post meets with my approval, which counts for very little.

Seriously, Stef? Fucking jack-stands, please.

Anything TDI, and all diesel-electric vehicles that could have been.*

TOONCES!!!

Also, could have been more dramatic with approach from the other side, at speed. Always a missed opportunity, so I’m throwing the Kaizen burst out here.

I really like the dedication to the mission, as the vehicle utters its final burps of life, our adventurers still manage to ask where the candle supply store is. Because candles are the mission.

Jag-Wire

this is like yelling ‘fire’ in a crowded theater, or bringing up the Oxford comma debate at a copywriters conference. Simply irresponsible.

Cars’n’Coffee Mode

Rain, sleet, snow = US Postal Service Mode©

Sounds like Arizona. ManRaptor country.

Awesome tooth-to-tail ratio

Water squids. Could work over in Lanesplitter too.

Autonomous Driving Appearance Package

...or you spray paint ‘terrorist bomb’ on the device (don’t do this), call SWAT (don’t fucking do this either), and have them remove it very carefully. This happens more than three times (baseless estimate) it will be so expensive for municipalities (your tax dollars), that the Barnacle will be scraped off of the…

COTD

Can the Barnacle(tm) testify on its own behalf? You can insist that the device speaks English when it takes the stand personally. I’m sure there are myriad other ways to make a mockery of the enforcement and justice systems. The internet provides, the Dude abides.

Just got $100M funding for a startup that uses a mobile app to summon drivers to do the return trip of the device for offenders.