Compromise: "...And all Poutine is Grand."

I'll be honest with you- I'd be more upset about the lyrics if I had any clue what they actually meant. 'True patriot love in all thy sons (son's?) command' -this means just as much to me as the french sounding noises I make in the other verses.

I sing some in French, and others in English with a Quebecois accent and an extra dose of disapproval. It's the only way I know how.

Then stop wearing diapers.

"Lillian, why is my doll furniture out on the curb?!!"

A dirty washroom is usually because the staff don't clean it enough. Not because of the menz.

.... how often is Ashton Kutcher in public restrooms?

In my imagination, he's so super famous they erect one whenever he has the need. (Meanwhile, since he's also Kelso in my imagination, he stands nearby and giggles at the word "erect.")

But but but 10 Things I Hate About You? The Prince and Me?? SAVE THE LAST DANCE????? Ballet AND hip hop AND a dead parent, what TALENT!!

I'm trying to curate a fresh and innovative experience for you. One that blends the modern and contemporary with echoes of the past.

This is Mark Shrayber, right?

From space, it's like the chick with three boobs rendered on an N64

But seriously, which one looks better?

Still would.

If only OTC anxiety supplements had hidden benzos in them. Why do guys with boner problems get all the fun?

Things You Should Have In Your Closet By The Time You Are 30:

I cannot have PTSD for working at a place where I was verbally abused, physically threatened, and treated like shit on a regular basis, huh? Good to know. Good to know.

In a perfect world his future wife's last name will be Naise and he will hyphenate his last name Mayer-Naise. Thus finally having nomenclature beffiting his personality and musical stylings.

"By day I was this sort of mild mannered kid who nobody really saw. And by night I was listening to Charlie Parker and John Coltrane and Freddie King and Jimi Hendrix and Eric Clapton,"

Yes but we call it Canoogle and it filters out anything that's not personally approved by our prime minister.

This is how I feel right now: