Man, that's so much cooler than my Paul Pierce floppy disk.

Tools, Ranked:

While this piece is certainly well-researched and colorful, I'm left wondering what, if anything, any of this has to do with Johnny Manziel.

DEADSPIN NEEDS TO HIRE ZODIAC MOTHERFUCKER.

F*** YOU KINJA HOPE YOU TEAR YOUR ACL ON FRIDAY

[has a strong attachment to Kobe]

I disagree. United and Chelsea are both stacked, so even though it's one challenger to another, Manchester United won't lose as much by selling Rooney, and Chelsea don't have as much to gain. Liverpool have NO ONE but Suárez, and Arsenal don't have an elite forward. Arsenal, who I think are worse than Spurs right now,…

Liverpool fans wouldn't know loyalty if it bit them in the arse 'n all.

fortunately, he got to 300 after dinner.

This slanted journalism is just disgusting.

The 2 worst things about the Saints are 1) Drew Brees 2) Katrina. I used to like Brees, but then he became the poster boy for "saving New Orleans" and the asshole actually believed it. I'm convinced Drew Brees believes that without him, the city of New Orleans would cease to exist. Like he was rescuing the barefoot…

Ted Lasso > AVB

With the Sixers coaching vacancy, there actually has been local demand for Mo Cheeks.

Yet another degree of separation between Brett Favre and a Woody.

Woodpeckers can't get concussions? Consider mind blown.

My real self doesn't know what he's (I'm) talking about. OBVIOUSLY (since time and logic aren't factors) John Farrell (i.e. Thinly Veiled Younger Me) should be played by TATE DONOVAN CIRCA 1996, so that I can vicariously pretend to have just dumped Young Sandra Bullock so I can start banging Young Jennifer Anniston…

Aww, a mouse quarterback! How tiny and adorable.

I find it curious that someone can write a missive about "Not being a hater" but can find himself policing the comment sections ala Cartman as the Hall Monitor.

unfortunately, the ball landed on an Afghan wedding, killing 17.