My husband is rolling his eyes at me. "Gee thanks! You made me sound like a moron."

technically, this wasn't a lie, more of a deception, but here goes. I was born in another country but went to university in Australia. Because I didn't have permanent residency status, I was on a student visa, I was only allowed to work 20 hours a week. My classes started, and I was desperate to find a job. My savings…

She is the goddamn CFO at a small company in Texas, but the men at her work regularly ask her things like when is SHE going to clean out the fridge in the break room.

My super awesome mom, after years of working as a successful independent consultant, recently accepted a job as an executive/c-suite level employee at a financial firm. She is the only woman executive. During her first week, another executive told her part of her duties would be to cover the phones when the…

fucking brilliant PR. BRILLIANT, DIGORNO.

Did you guys see this

Can we do an around the globe thing? I would love an around the globe beauty feature!

She's always been so awesome. I will never forget one of the first times I saw her — in one of People's "Most Beautiful People" issues when she was, god, like 19? They asked her what the best beauty advice she'd ever gotten was, and she said something about her mom telling her that if she ever gets the family whiskers…

I. . .think it sounds kind of great actually. Ground beef cheddar omelette with homefries? I'm in.

I like how you didn't spring to the defense of librarians, skinny people, gay men married to women, people that love dogs, Southerners, etc. I like that you kept the narcissism strong; that's important. Listen, THEY LEFT HIM A CARD WITH JESUS ON IT. These people *wanted* Craig to think of them as Christians.

Has anyone else noticed that Minnie's eyelashes are literally the ONLY THING between "Minnie Mouse" and "Mickey Mouse in drag?" I was reading a Disney book with my kid and noticed this and it's really freaking me out. The people on Buzzfeed did not find this scandalous enough, I'm pitching it to my Jezzie friends.…

Guy #1 is obviously a serial killer, but I kind of like Guy #2. "Even Batman takes shits" is a good pickup line.

I was waiting tables in college at an Italian place and got to wait on David Letterman. My nickname at the restaurant was "I'mSorry," if that tells you anything. I was always running into people, or they would run into me, then I would say, "oh, I'm sorry!" It was pretty much my go-to phrase (I think I'm over it…

SORRY I'M NOT SORRY.

They can make you talk in thirty minutes or less.

You know, I'm honestly not surprised. None of us should be.

*approaches suavely* "Why hello there, cupcake. I couldn't help noticing that you're not paper-white. Mind if I ask why?"

Mark.

And the Oscar for Bestest Use Of A Kitchenette Inside Joke in a Horrible Customer Story goes to ...

Monogrammed Thermosery