I bought my condo in 2016 for an amazing price, because the previous owners left it filthy and the bathroom was falling apart. Lady upstairs from me pays $40K two months later for a new bathroom and slightly better kitchen (which she still renovates), and the condo down the hall with a 30 year old bathroom and kitchen…

It wasn’t my boss that tried to fuck me over, but:

I have that image on a fridge magnet!

Well, once you’ve decided killing kids is OK, why do you want to waste money educating them?

How timely! Hope someone here can help - I’ve been invited to a huge dim sum party in a month - several hundred people in attendance. As a non-chopstick user - will there be knives and forks?

Lands End Starfish pants! Not quite sweatpants because there’s no fleece lining, but they have pockets

Eww!!! No, I gave it to her to give to the Veterans for their charity shop, so in my mind it’s like she stole from people who can’t afford a full price jacket, whereas she can - but she’s cheap.

TRUTH! I used to give my mom bags of old clothes because she does a lot of donations to the Veterans. And one day she was wearing a denim jacket that looked suspiciously like one of mine. And she tried to claim it wasn’t because it had flower patches on it! That she had clearly sewn on. My dad was all, “I told you…

I bet the puppies smell like him now and are sad about it

I think gin and extreme amounts of smoking.

Norman Reedus looks like he stinks all over, and so does Tom Hardy.

Yeah, there’s no reason those characters need to be twins. I like every other story line better than his. Maggie and the film producers, the mob guys, the two main cops, the other hookers and pimps, and the brother in law.

My main question about this photo is, are there supposed to be that many tall grasses on a golf course? Is he just a really bad golfer and keeps hitting the ball off the course into the weeds?

I used to live on a street I called Bird Shit Boulevard. My town was obsessed with having a lot of trees, and the end of the block (and I am not exaggerating) - the road was often white due to the sheer amount of bird shit that would rain down. No one could park down there without their car being covered front to back…

I’ve always said marriage and kids is the ultimate pyramid scheme. Other people try to talk you into it so they can feel more secure in their choices.

My sister’s office got to vote on 3 different options for the Christmas party - hatchet throwing beat everything else. She refuses to go.

My new boss called my colleague to make her check her voicemail while she was on a trip, because her code to check remotely wasn’t working. And we were both like, “no one leaves voicemails anymore you dolt!” And were proven correct - she had no voicemails.

I’m enjoying that all my Trump voting relatives are screwed on the mortgage interest and property tax deductions. I’m not! But they are.

My mom already has the home baptism all ready for my sister’s baby! Because she keeps holy water in the house. Hey, you never know when vampires might show up....

Once because my Lyft pulled up, and someone else got out of the front seat. So I thought maybe the driver was dropping a friend off first. Nope. Extra chatty driver and extra chatty passenger. They were a match made in heaven! I just wanted him to stop talking.