i’m pretty much a hug machine when it comes to my boyfriend and my cats or my mom/dad/brother/best friend.

Grandma may want a hug, but since when does that mean she gets it?

My go to curse is: May every step you take feel like you’re walking on Legos.

Who said that it did?

Fuckface Von Clownstick

Trumpet.

a) You probably don’t ride. Believe me, there are plenty of places that are unsafe for a car to pass where it’s no problem for a bike (either due to the bike being able to do the pass or simply because of things like better sightlines due to lane positioning etc). So it comes down to The Law vs. common sense, being…

That is the only way I've ever eaten that cereal. I work around the 'mallows eating all the cereal, drink all the milk and then fill my mouth with sweet squishy marshmallows. This is the only way to do it.

This is clearly not a secure line.

You know too much.

This cat is clearly in Witness Protection. No snitching kitty dares enter a room without scanning it first. Plus two potential exits should shit go down is always better than one.

Matt Damon...PLEASE STOP...YOU’RE RUINING MATT DAMON.

His wife held him back from further injuring his boyfriend, whom he assaulted and shouted homophobic slurs at...?

It will be the classiest, most premium episode of SNL ever!

I adore Cecile Richards. Respect indeed! The fact that she can stand up there and not just not break, but not even bend, in the face of all of the awful shit thrown at her, makes her superhuman.

I wanted to say that she is doing god’s work, but i don’t believe in god. she is doing good work. really really good work.

My mom was a nurse in New York City from 1959-1966. She tells horror stories of patients who arrived at the hospital due to botched back-alley abortions. She has been a proponent of safe and legal abortion ever since.

To be fair, I like every humans cats WAY more than I like them. Seriously.

Dude conveniently did not respond to your trenchant comment, probably because it is devastating to his ill-formed attempt at the hottest of sprots takes. Everyone should just link to your comment as the appropriate rebuttal to this person’s medical-grade butthurt.