I agree with that. I’m not sure what they would do!

this is totally what i’ve been trying to get at but haven’t articulated it. i agree with that and i think the pressure is bullshit.

Someone I know said something similar for her. She got married very young and changed it because she figured that’s what you do, and she’d get used to it. But she never did. So legally she’s his name but just never uses it.

Frankly I don’t think the issues people worry about like you’ve mentioned are actually real issues. Like maybe one person one time will be confused but it would personally never deter me.

I trust they’ll figure something out.

Me neither. I don’t understand the whole “we aren’t a family” thing without one name. Who cares. We are a family; we’re the Myname-Hisnames.

For me, if my husband had been very gung-ho about us having one name (I know that’s A Thing for some people) the options would’ve been he takes my name or we both hyphenate. No way was I about to be the only one to change! (luckily he gives no shits)

I research people for a living and often see women who’ve done the opposite—change their name legally (shows up on the deed to the house) but never use that name at all professionally. Why would you do that? That’s doing the most complicated part but not even using it! Why not just leave it legally and then socially…

If I have children I plan to hyphenate them even though it would be a super long unwieldy name (just mine is 11 letters). It doesn’t necessarily sound bad, just very long. I don’t care; they’ll live!

Yes I totally would!! The basic premise is, you have an officiant and a photographer, and you just show up somewhere and get married there. It’s like a planned elopement sort of, but you can invite people. There’s a company in DC that does it all for you. You basically pick a date they offer, give them any preferences…

wait, there’s a such thing as clip on earrings if you need earrings...

Since ours was “pop up” style and we had to wait for the company to come out with their dates, people who weren’t even invited were basically freaking the fuck out about when it would be. People basically short-circuited when I said “sometime in January or February. Not sure yet.”

I did it. It’s possible! But it’s pretty hard to find hairstyle ideas that don’t involve some juvenile headband or clips.

lol nope. add a wedding ring and they’ll just say “what, can’t you have friends?”

omg.

RIGHT?!!! How do you just keep on being friends with a segregationist?! What even?? “Yeah he like hated black people but it wasn’t that big of a deal. I mean we had fun playing Halo.”

please tell me someone did not honestly call this shitstain a sweet kid?

i purposefully don’t wear dangly earrings because i feel like they look too “crazy art teacher” with my short hair.

Sure, and I think in the initial reporting you do have to report what you know and do due diligence. But it doesn’t have to be his legacy. I also have to think it’s somewhat because we as a society LOVE to hold these people up as mysterious individuals so unlike ourselves and with comic book villain names.

So, in The Gift of Fear, de Becker talks about how when tragedies like this happen we contribute to the infamy of the perpetrator and the attraction others might feel to do the same thing by doing things like referring to them dramatically by their full names (and delving publicly into their motives, for one thing).…