Hmm... watch something slow and depressing like Moonlight or something light and funny like Mr. Mom, Dumb an Dumber, Harold and Kumar, or Austin Powers? Yeah, gonna have to take away your remote privileges MK. Ain’t nobody got time for feeling like crap these days.

That’s great that Netflix is putting up so many movies we saw in the 1980s, but they’re going to have to re-open Blockbuster so we can see the movies we want from the past year or two. I thought that’s what Netflix was supposed to do.

Any time the gun-humpers retreat to the 2nd Amendment (ratified 227 years ago, by the way) to defend their fetish, I like to share the words of their favorite founding father, Thomas Jefferson:

As a black man in America, my list of “must visit” states is drastically smaller. Fuck if you’re ever going to catch me in Idaho.

The most embarrassing death humanly possible has already happened and I don’t know how anyone could possibly beat it.

My dad came across a cable box at the dump back in the 90s. It had a slit in the top like someone stabbed it with a knife and tossed it. He figured he’d try it because another cable box would be nice. Turns out it had a descrambler in it! We got to watch the Tyson/Holyfield fight, all the WCW pay-per-views (I was in…

No, like Drew says, watching scrambled softcore on the pay channels, and thanking your lucky stars on those nights when the picture was just a little blurry. Which I always suspected was kind of a sneaky free preview, to show you what you’re missing, get you hooked, “First one is free”-style.

So, as an experienced parent, what are the best children’s’ activities to re-live as an adult, that take you right back to being a kid again?

But I don’t get the hatred of We Built This City, by Starship.

I find myself in the unique positions of both being a man who’s had over 30 cavities and who is currently a beer/bourbon enthusiast. Here’s my expert take on this subject.

Is it OK to scare the hell out of your kids on a regular basis?

I worked at Wendy’s back in the day. They freeze their beef just like everyone else.

Condoms don’t take up any space at all. There’s no way you can’t fit them and the backup pepper spray in there.

My wife just got roped into being a MOH in cabo next spring, but they still haven’t picked a gd date. At least have the decency of giving me the jump on booking this shit before it costs $2k per ticket. Not to mention my wife is also going to have to fly across the country for a bachelorette party in palm springs.

I also hate chickens and therefore eat as many as I possibly can. I’d punch one right in the face if I was ever given half a chance.

Pretty much this. When once visiting an uncle who raised chickens, I observed their behavior firsthand for a week straight. If there is a dumber bird on the planet, someone please point it out. I realize avians in general aren’t known for their intellect, but chickens take stupidity to a whole other level. I remember…

You and Herzog:

If a couple is worried about saving money, then just elope and have your reception at a goddamn Chilis.  

We had chickens on our farm when I was growing up, and they are awful animals. They are noisy little shit factories undeserving of respect, unlike the other noisy shit factory animals which seemed somewhat worthy of respect. (Ducks are borderline.)

Do you know what’s worse than being invited to a destination wedding? Being asked to stand up in a destination wedding. My wife was asked to stand up in one that’s in Italy next year.