The first time I house-sat for my parents, the tree in the front yard (a 20-foot Japanese Maple), fell down. A year later, I was sitting with my mom in the living room during a storm, and one of the trees in the back yard fell and destroyed the gazebo. The second time I house-sat for them (a year after), the American…

No joke, I’ve been house hunting all this last week and the number of houses I have walked into and walked out of due to foundation problems is just staggering. They hit you up with some crazy affordable price tag, your dumbass shows up for the open house and while everyone is chittering away in the Den about great…

I don’t think there is a single house in my neighborhood, maybe my entire town, whose wiring is up to code. Yay red state with no unions!

If you have woodpeckers pecking at the house itself that means you probably have bugs in the wood, which means you have bigger problems than woodpeckers, unfortunately...

I used to work in Home Insurance....

Acts of war are specifically excluded in all contracts I’ve ever seen personally—— so when nuclear doomsday starts I wouldn’t even bother calling your agent... the’ll deny you and still find a way to increase the cost of the policy because nuclear fallout, or because your neighbor’s…

The real injustice is that I am a bald man. All the pain, none of the glory.

Oh yea, forgot to mention that this incredibly stupid and inconsiderate neighbor (who I totally made up) also thoughtfully lets their cat roam the neighborhood and the damn thing uses my flowerbed as a litter box!

Steal their dogs, take proper care of them and teach them to bark at your neighbours (but not at other people)

My cat just died. He was good at catching the occassional mouse intruder. One night he was gagging so I turned on the light to see that he was attempting to swallow this giant mouse whole while it was alive.

Sometimes, they don’t use the pink salt. Terrifying.

Turned out my nephew was using Mr. Bug’s honking big shoes as BOATS for the Legos.

My house has a wooden exterior. I’m basically in a full-blown panic at all times.

Good advice. One other note— follow the inspector around when they go through. You can ask questions and get a good idea if it’s a “do it now” repair or a “when you get some time”. Bought five houses so far and the inspection information is critical each time.

Just get a cat. My wife saw a single mouse run through the house when we were moving in and I used it as an excuse to adopt a foundling from my friend in the country. That cat slaughtered her way through every four-legged critter within two hundred yards of our place and loved every minute of it.

One more bullet to add:

Wow, that sounds like a really interesting architectural area. I am writing my dissertation on American homes of that era and would love to visit — what neighborhood is this?

I realized the other day that despite the windows and doors all having locks, anyone could break right on in to my house, totally unseen, via the outdoor entrance to the crawlspace (and the crawlspace obviously has another tiny door leading to the inside of the house, which you could kick in). It would be extremely…

This article would be a lot scarier if I wasn’t so fond of avocado toast.

Foundation problems. You are super-fucked if you have foundation problems. Might as well burn your house down.

Carbon Monoxide poisoning.