Today I took my first ride in a convertible. No joke. I don't know how I managed to avoid this but it's an incredible way to drive. What's better, my friends blasted "No Diggity" for me and I fist-pumped for like, 3 seconds. It was awesome :)

I certainly won't judge—I used to be the teacher kids came to with their stuff. Once on the first day of school, a boy I knew only slightly came up to me and said, "The guys said I could ask you anything. Is that true?" I told him absolutely and how could I help him? He told me that all summer long he couldn't think…

Oprah's out of hand = 38,000

I had a male student ask me once "Ms. TriLam, isn't it true that if the girl doesn't come then she won't get pregnant?" all the way across a crowded high school class room. My answer was "Uh no. People who think that? They get called parents. Dumb parents."

Because that's not commercially marketable. The "black man" is supposed to be a chauvinistic rapper trope.

Every man's best friend: baby wipes and black underwear.

As a kid, I had a pet turtle bite off half the pad of my finger. Periodically, the skin of the scar still peels away independent of the skin around it.

Sent this to my boyfriend and he has agreed we can commission a painting of my cat Snickers Marie as Queen Victoria. Best boyfriend EVER!!!!

I have zero issues with pet gifts. Zero.

Yeah, I've heard that, too. And that it was the husband's responsibility to make sure the woman orgasmed so they could procreate. That makes me happy for my Puritan ancestors.

...Does your cat like coming in before the cuddling, if you know what I mean, and flick his tail up and down your legs? Freaks me the hell out. Sometimes, if we don't shut the bedroom door, things become strange very quickly.

My milke-shakes bringeth all the younge men to the yard.

I bet he doubles as a Magical Fashion teacher at Hogwarts.

I learned in a medieval lit course, many years ago, that it was believed that women had to orgasm in order to conceive. I remember my professor saying making vaguely dirty jokes about it. I really liked her.

The dog I had while I was growing up (and until very recently) was the best cuddler ever (which was in addition to being the best dog ever). He would either sleep with his head resting on my waist or with his back to me and my arms around him. He was an old fashioned farm collie, and had a beautiful coat and a big…

My wife and I often preform the double-insomniac with a butterfly twist. It's a pro move.

He's one of those people I wish I could be best friends with because he is just that cool and awesome to me. That's a person who is himself and lives life on his own terms. I love that.

Eh, his sexuality is HIS own. Who am I to say how he should feel or to whom he should be attracted. Shit, rock your muumuus, be as queeny, or butch, or femme, or fierce, or whatever. Love who you want; fuck who you want. Choices, everyone, it's pretty great!

I love Andre Leon Talley. Dude should get all of his outfits put in a museum so future generations will know what awesome looks like. Also the interview he did with Quvenzhané Wallis should be loop in the background of the exhibit.

She should release an EP of some of her songs remixed and spliced together called Mash and then have a Deluxe Double CD; Bangerz & Mash.