Yes, I would. I would scream orgasmically for his micro-peen and tell him he’s the best I’d ever had if it would make him go away. I would do that for my children. I would do it for you.

I’ll join you on that year of enrichment! My dream exactly.

Many centuries ago, Valentine’s Day was observed later in the spring (we have Chaucer to thank for this intelligence), and the observation traditions varied from village to village and town to town. In some places it was more for adult lovers, in other places is was primarily a day for children to receive small gifts…

I hope I’m making nice memories for my kids, too. My 15 year old son gave me a hug (!!!) yesterday when he thanked me for his chocolates. You can pry valentines to my children from my cold, dead hands.

Chrissy Tiegen’s breakfast in bed is probably on a tray. Don’t be such a b-in-b skeptic.

Kid and parent valentine love is sweet and perfectly fine. Anyone who says otherwise is demented and wrong. Kourtney’s kids gave her what appears to be a delicious rice krispy treat. Are you seriously criticizing the culinary…

I always buy my children a little box of chocolates! While the holiday has turned into a romantic love thing, its origins are much broader love-in-general. School children exchange valentines, for goodness’ sake. They aren’t all in love with each other.

Every time I hear / read about new testament Paul I say “Fuck Paul.” It’s a reflex. Anyone celebrating that dicktard gets automatic side eye.

If only Tina’s confidence could grow to match that of her sassy bangs.

“The Tina Belcher reluctant murmur of bangs” is a phrase I now treasure above all others. Though Tina herself, it must be said, has some pretty great bangs.

That dining room is resplendent. RESPLENDENT, I TELL YOU.

Fuck you, Hollywood. Just ... fuck you. Right in your stupid ear. Leave my Labyrinth alone. My local indie theater ran four sold-out screenings after Bowie died, and having never seen it on the big screen (but a zillion times on small screens), I was thrilled to finally see Bowie and his Goblin King (*wink*) larger…

Giant panda don’t care. Giant panda doesn’t give a shit.

I got very similar advice years ago from a woman who had lived most of her life in poverty, but made it a priority to stash away $1 per day. Her cache of cash eventually allowed her to get herself and her three kids out of an abusive marriage. For a while, I kept my own little fund, but eventually blew it on…

I cackled so loud I startled my cat.

YOU MONSTER

So, this isn’t a mural from the Pawnee, IN courthouse?

There’s our goodbye post from Mark. <3 I’m so glad you came back by to say adieu. I’ve loved and lost many wonderful writers here at Jez, but I think I’ll miss you most of all, Scarecrow. I appreciate how much time you put into engaging in the comments, Mark. Hanging out with you made your posts that much more fun.

I…

... and then there’s the colossal squid.

Not knowing your reasons for Christmas non-participation, may I suggest a Solstice observance instead? We do an atheist version of Christmas, but we also celebrate the actual Solstice, for which we have food and movies and games, and we keep a fire going (or a candle lit, depending on the weather, as we’re in the…

I also refuse to have one. My youngest child asked for one this year, and I told her flat out it wasn’t happening.