god damn I love my son

Look, you just don't know what happened to her in Uganda.

If this turns out to be, "I was raped in Uganda and all I got it's an ugly ptsd felicity haircut" I will go fucking ballistic.

I'm not not the only one who can barely tolerate Maggie, right? Unprofessional, flighty, obnoxious, mess. I just keep wanting to shout at Jim to run for the hills.

Can we talk about Maggie's fug wig? It's awful.

This is easily the best of Netflix's various new series. I've been gorging all weekend, and I cannot stop singing the theme song. (Well, a lot of it is out of my range, so it's more like squeak-squawking the theme song, really.)

When has this site ever praised someone for eating 15 big macs?

I have had many conversations with male friends about this. One friend I was trying to set up with another, and he was like 'she's too pure. i wouldn't want to date her until i'm ready to settle down.'

The Man-Child breaks up with you even though the two of you are not in a relationship. He cites his fear of settling down. You don’t want marriage, at least not with him, but he never thought to ask you.

I wrote a lovely email to Representative Villalba who stunned us with the charming story of his wanted son, which had everything to do with women's rights.

Right? I hate her (but not really.)

The cats who suck at jumping genre is my favorite.

Some of my friends didn't believe my cats could get anywhere in the house (due to insane squirming and jumping abilities) that they wanted until I posted this picture:

Shut up, Alec Baldwin. Just shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down.

"Some of my best friends are gay."

It's so much fun to write headlines for crap like Courtney Stodden bikini pics, you guise. Writing 'See Courtney Stodden's SEXY Bikini Pics Here Now!' will make you wonder why you ever even wanted a Pulitzer in the first place.

My ex-husband, the father of my child, would only have sex with me when my shirt was on due to the stretch marks.

Um, I liked everything except for the supporters holding coat hangers.

Still better than CNN's coverage.