Tune: This Mystic Decade

I was listening to this track while driving up Mount Josiah in a Declasse Tornado as the sun was rising in the background. It felt perfect somehow.

I still remember trying to play RDR during that first week. It just... wasn't happening.

I thought that part was kinda funny, especially where the camera zooms in on the window and it's covered in blood, and if you hit the rear view camera when you're driving to the strip club, you can plainly see that damned teddy bear tied to the front of Trevor's truck.

Modded Skyrim with high-resolution textures, weather mods, new armor, new weapons, new places to see and quests to do... it's a sight to behold.

You haven't lived until you've played a Bethesda game with a hundred mods running at the same time, pal.

One funny bit of trivia I thought I'd add: those Elcos were made of mahogany. Looks like metal on the outside, right? Wrong, it's probably canvas. If you tried jumping one off a capsized steel-hulled ship, you'd soon find yourself drifting along in a mess of floating planks that used to be a PT boat.

See? That's the kind of attitude I'm talking about. This idea that basic human bodily functions are off-limits. That taboos should not be openly challenged once in a while.

No, I didn't, but I can see how someone else could easily arrive at the same conclusion.

You know what we need?

I don't know what people are talking about when they treat GTA as though it were some sort of serious portrayal of the thug life. It's tongue-in-cheek, MADtv-level satire. Always has been. Just turn on the radio in the game and set it to the talk show, or listen to the shit the pedestrians say.

I don't know about you, buddy, but a My Little Pony game in the RAGE engine?

I honestly loved the Dreamcast controller, even though it was single-analog and lacked built-in rumble. Its ergonomics were excellent. You wouldn't think so, what with the sharp ridges on the underside, but in my opinion, it felt damned great in my hands.

You're absolutely right. Honestly, I'm tired of all that happily-ever-after nonsense that people insist upon. All that stuff about sympathetic protagonists, or anti-heroes going out in a blaze of glory to try and undo all the wrongs they've committed.

Pfft. The controller in this article doesn't even have worn thumbsticks. The little raised bumps on mine are all gone after about a month or two. It's like my hands are made of controller-eating acid. I've seriously considered getting a 360 controller shell, buttons and thumbsticks machined out of aluminum.

I was joking. You're cool. :)

The mouse enables a kind of precision in shooters that you just can't achieve with a gamepad. Also, the quality of the input devices does make a big difference. I use a Das Keyboard Ultimate with clicky Cherry MX Blue keyswitches and a USB hub built into the side.

The problem is that all of the modern, high-spec gaming consoles have gone this route, trying to be a million things at once and failing at all of them. Out of all the consoles out there, the Wii U and the Ouya are the only ones that are even remotely close to what a gaming console should be, and they're failing…

Well, that's exactly my point. It shouldn't be this expensive. It should be $299 and just focus on the damned games with none of these added gimmicks.