If God is telling you that shit like this is what he wants, a) there's something seriously wrong with you and/or b) God is a jerk uinworthy of worship.

I'd pay extra for an ASTEROID DIAMOND

Miss. Cheese is getting a nice 2-3 carat pink Sapphire with little diamonds on the side in black gold as my way of showing her she's gonna be my cheese forever.

Is "put his hand on my ceiling" a euphemism?

I also hate "beverage."

I don't understand why you wouldn't want to get these kinds of messages, ladies. Sometimes you have to wait months or even years to find out you've been dating an asshole, but these guys just let you know right away. It's practically a public service!

Seriously, any dude that uses "libations" (or even worse "m'lady") who is not dressed in period-accurate reproduction clothing needs to be drawn and quartered. The Queen has so ordered.

As a non-American I had to go to the GoogleMachinez to find out who this guy is.

How in the sweet citrus scented fuck is he still able to pass himself off as a politician? Surely the electorate he's in can't be that stupid. I mean, wow, wow, wow. What a gigantic asshole - and people are still going to vote for him??

Sanford’s PR team:

Look at how he's dealing with his divorce, or how he dealt with being caught cheating. The dude has a serious narcissism issue. He thinks he is always right and justified, and that all his problems are caused by others. You can't PR that shit, he won't listen.

Her message is fine (I guess) but at the end of the day it's a commercial for athletic wear and men get professional athletes and women get a super model. There are some damn good female athletes who deserve the attention and money more than Gisele. Brittany Griner should be pissed.

He has also insulted Gabourey Sidibe, who I consider my BFF (we once attended the same party and danced to the same song, therefore we're half way to bff status, she just doesn't know it yet).

It's taken me a long time to figure out why I hate being catcalled in almost every scenario but I think it's a combination of factors. For many women, when wanted/unwanted male attention starts, you're pretty young – a pre-teen or teenager. At that age, I didn't understand my own sexuality or really any one elses. I…

Or smeared on a decorative pillow in brown paint.

yeah i mean i get this woman, i do. i have a 4 month old myself, and being in a restaurant with 3 little kids by yourself and a poopy baby and all of the kids are excited to eat and probably have stuff that is a pain to drag out to the car? totally a huge pain in the ass, and the owners are inconsiderate asses not…

Feces is a deal breaker.

OF COURSE YOU CAN'T CHANGE A FUCKING DIAPER IN THE MIDDLE OF A RESTAURANT.

6. If your [sic] only going to show up for food and alcohol and really have no interest other than that

I have a friend that buys the flavored syrups coffee stands uses. He always puts one pump (I think that's roughly an ounce?) of carmel, one pump of vanilla, and one pump of salted caramel. Oh, and did I mention this is per 8oz of coffee?

For those asking about the pans, here's an explanation from the person who posted the video: