How he is still in office?? I think that's the wrong question. Seems pretty clear to me he has assaulted multiple women (I'd say grabbing people and kissing them/licking them/touching against their will is assault, call me crazy) so the real question is, how the fuck is he not in jail?

"Tonight on Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom, the fantastic realm of parasites! Enjoy your tv dinners!"

"Want to change someone's mind while pretending to encourage them? All you need to do is set a high standard for something and give them a little time. Even if they reach your standards, they've already self-sabotaged."

This headline reads like it was written by that single mom who discovered the one simple trick they hate.

If someone asked me to list examples of myself being assertive, I'd tell them to go eph themselves.

It's Christmas at ground zero. Bonus points for being both a Christmas song and an apocalypse song.

Maybe everyone's teeth are made out of gummy bears.

It also hearkens back to the good old days when Coke plants would pump all of the fresh groundwater out of the surrounding communities to use for their product, leading to droughts in the neighboring farmland, which in turn leads to food shortages and unemployment so everyone has to go work at the coke plant. Also…

So before they started using corn syrup, which is harder to process? Ehh eat my crap coke. >_< just because you donate to a diabetes foundation doesn't stop you from being their other main contributor.

I couldn't help it.

Oh, Tom Jones, how could you???

Yuck, and yet, YES!

Actually a cartoon would probably be the one format that would do it the most justice.

Never forget.

Don't be silly, you should never do something like that to "please" someone. You post that shit on the internet and charge them for it. ;)

"When a guy buys all of your friends a drink and doesn't buy you one and then tells you it's "because you are frowning too much."

I just took the quiz, and apparently I'm a Nespresso Coffee Maker. I didn't even realize that was one of the options.

Also, this is Thor Lund:

Here's a large version I made of the excellent horizontal poster. I cleaned it up as well. Got rid of all the crease lines. It's desktop size at 1280x1024.

Yarp:

This is a guy that OBSESSED over his weight. He did entire segments and specials about his weight and subsequent weight loss. I'm kind of bewildered by the disconnect he is displaying here.