See, I would have thought that after calling one's spawn a "petite porcine" for all the world to see, one might dash off to a therapist of some sort to deal with one's anger issues. Howevs. 'pparently not.

Who doth not. Only the silliest and daftest of people. She is wondrous. She is the Beautiful Unique SparklePony of whom Chris Kluwe speaks.

For context: she also dated David Geffen.

Why people imagine that ANYONE ELSE is fascinated by someone else's child is beyond my imagination. *You* go ahead and be enraptured by your own progeny. I am *sincerely* and thoroughly ecstatic.

As in: Chu-chi Face. (Chitty Chitty Bang Bang soundtrack 4 Lyfe.)

Is Leno having more diverse guests now that retirement date 2.0 looks set? Did I see that he had a - gasp - author on the other night? An author discussing his life living in a van during grad school?

Oh, my thought re: her not releasing a picture immediately was in order to drive up the price as the longer the KardiKlan fans have to wait, the more they foam at the mouth?

The real tragedy is that I can neither read nor hear the word "loser" without hearing the sexy sounds of Donald Trump articulating it.

You are an outrageously lying liar from Lietown.

Oh mah stahrrrrs. How handsome does that creature look with his salty sea-faring stubble? When is he coming back to his show, (and why am I asking you when he and I are married)?

That was how some older gay friends of my mother's explained to me once upon a time that they knew Wham! were also gay - by the creases in their jeans.

ooo, ooo, those are sincere, though.

She must be The Telegraph's version of trolly Liz Jones of The Mail or Samantha something (is it, the one who is so gorgeous everyone loathes her?) Click-baity silly-headed bubble-lady getting otherwise sensible ladeez in a froth of vehemence and outrage.

One might have supposed that she were acquainted with some gentlemen who were more, say, sartorially gifted and might have guided her in a improved fashion.

It appears that no other Brits are awake yet to read this, but "bonked" means "having le special cuddles with". So the Rihanna bulletpoint seems rather different to those of us from Ye Olde Country.

I am also recommending that you never desire it for anyone. Well, some people, maybe.

Dabs at eyes at the ACAI BERRIES paragraph...ahh. Thank you, Lindy. You cheered me after having cleared some particularly prolific and poignant doggy diarrhea.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/Jezebel… Please do!

Are you in LA? Have you joined the LA Jezebel group on FB? (Unless you live in NY, of course...or Canada...or...)

Oh, the Kristin Wiig character on SNL who always tried to top others' experiences?