If Fifty Cent wants to make beef with me, he should buy all the stuff at my yard sale. That’ll show me!

“I am committed to helping Ohio deliver its electoral votes to the president.”

He looks like the guy who, whenever somebody mentions ordering pizza at the smokeout, always wants to order Papa Johns. 

“Said a damp fan” is a slow burn that I fear will go underappreciated.

he looks like every actor ever cast to yell random things in an Adam Sandler movie

He looks like Mark Cuban’s deadbeat brother who works at Arby’s and posts Roommate Wanted ads on craigslist; while using the money his brother sends him to keep up to date on his several porn paysite subscriptions.

“just another minor leaguer on a hot streak” is not how you describe a guy who just had a better season at age 19 than Mike Trout did

+1 appeasement

If Neville Chamberlain wasn’t his father we’d have never heard of little Wilt. 

Can someone please explain to me how the extremely numerous religious “homosexuality is a sin!” conservative voters of SC are apparently completely oblivious to the fact that Lindsay Graham is very gay?

Weird, that’s exactly — I mean *exactly* — like me.

No, it’s Elon Musk.

“Elon Musk Is Doubling Down on the Pedo Thing”

I found this picture of Elon Musk.

You are absolutely right.

The cheating crybabies who take those laughable dives have earned all the ridicule that can possibly be heaped upon them, and more.

i think the situation warranted more consideration on the guy’s part. he may not have intended it like that in the moment, but its a phrase I avoid in interacting with people it has unfortunate implications with. “to call a spade a spade”is another like this is not racist, it has origins in greek theater, but we all…

Fucking voodoo is the most enjoyable kind of voodoo.