Saying you’re “adulting” is not a form of patting yourself on the back. And this is the crotchetiest thing I’ve ever read anywhere on Gawker Media.

Outback fucking sucks (except the bread — love that bread). The fact that millions of antibiotic-pumped cows die every year to make those tasteless steaks is a national tragedy.

You know what’s pretty fucking good? Outback Steakhouse.

Some of the best advice I ever got was to banish “really” and “very” from my writing. Such a big difference.

If not for the suspension, he wouldn’t miss a single play to this injury.

Way to stick it to him.

As a Mets fan, fuck you and your whole family.

I was just coming to say: This, but for Bagel Bites. But you beat me to it.

I ate Totino’s Pizza Rolls exactly one time, and there is no amount of weed that will ever make me eat them again. They taste like soggy cardboard wrapped around a condom that was used for period sex.

Celebrations are the best part of football, and fuck anyone who says otherwise.

11 people have starred this, and my only question to them is: why?

Dude, what in the name of god are you talking about? “Eliminate investment capabilities for the lower and middle class” with a 0.03% tax on transactions, really? How many people in the lower and middle class are day traders? The only people a stock transaction tax will affect are the people who do extremely high…

I’ve read quite a few books, thanks, and your condescension doesn’t make your idle speculation valid.

I missed that one. But hey, man, there’s one politician with realistic ideas and plans who isn’t owned by corporations. His name is Bernie Sanders.

Man, I love watching the Republican debates. They’re a glorious combination of hilarious and infuriating.

He’s a pile of shit and a fucking soft-ass punk who was always afraid of me.

this is very different from other hardy boys books i’ve read

Ken M, is that you?

Wrong.

The irony of you incorrectly hyphenating “grammatically incorrect” is delightful.