All I see are a whole bunch of these:

Pardon me, but you forgot slumps, grunts and sonkers!

Also, this is incredible to me:

Give me a nice savory pie instead. Liver, kidney or stargazy pie:

I never really knew what a pandowdy is. I may try it sometime. But I’m still cursing you for getting that song stuck in my head.

Buddy, wasn’t the Chick-fil-A article a Point:Counterpoint?

This is some of the best Kinja I’ve seen in years.

This is what I read the comments. Mine that salt, old man. Mine it so hard. 

Wait, you can fire someone for being an unhinged dumbass on Twitter? Asking for 325,000,000 American friends.

“Ponder this...what great marriages have is sexual variety! Period! It’s not the equal burden-sharing at home trend, it’s not the fidelity trend. Find someone that is going to let me have unprotected, random sex! Period! #monogamysucks!”

“My fiancée has informed me that sheez letting me go. #thankstwitter!”

“! Period!” is a pretty damn confusing string of text.

So he's heading to the Raiders for a year

“The Packers have informed me that there letting me go.”

This used to happen regularly at my workplace. Every few mornings, in one particular sink, was what looked like a mass of pubes. One day I saw the culprit, and realized it was from his head. I asked him politely to start cleaning that shit up.

The Phillies sent Dykstra to Las Vegas to meet with Harper, but haven’t seen or heard from him since.

I would use this for President Mushroom Dick but we all know he doesn’t pray.

“Whew, seriously? Pull up a chair, buddy”