“ ...technically they’re vulva taillights since I don’t think any interior vaginal structures are replicated inside that taillight.”

I actually had to explain that joke to my mom. 

My friend and I worked on a movie one summer in college. He was driving 1978 Ford Granada nicknamed “The Beast” in a color one could only describe as poop brown that he’d inherited from his dad. The movie had a stunt for which they used a 1978 Ford LTD. After they’d stripped out the seats to put in a roll cage they…

I at least expected a recipe for some wet ass macaroni. 

“Like people’s checkbooks (ask your grandparents), computers tended to assume that every year started with “19”...”

The huge question is can he hold two sharpies at once? 

Is this one of those gags where we have to guess which one of these characters you made up?

But if you make it a limerick, what’s the third rhyme in China/vagina/...?

(S)cowl*

I have only one thing to say to anyone who would dare vote against Jackie Daytona:

I assume Hasbto subcontracted Mainway Toys for the Super Soaker.

There has to be a better way to say “fake news watchdog”. It makes it sound like it’s a news watchdog which is itself fake. 

I often also wonder what he would think of Citizens United, which warped that theme into “freedom of speech is guaranteed in direct proportion to how much speech one can buy”. 

That’s why he’s so committed to draining the swamp. To find all the cryptids. 

At the expense of being “that guy” , whenever our fresh fruit is about to slip its mortal coil I cut it up and put it in ice cube trays for this exact reason.

And like that I just imagined a chicharones and jalapeño pie with a queso asadero, colby jack cheese blend.

They say many of the issues of the 1970s were the result of a national lack of confidence. “This could be the automotive future[?]” in advertising copy, wow. 

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present chicken fajita fiesta potato nachos supreme:

We’re going to go the homeopathic route. It will have .000000001% hydroxychloroquine for maximum efficacy. 

I’ve started growing basil and tomatoes during the quarantine. I’m one cow away from being able to make my own margherita and sticking it to Big Pizza Topping.