In the moments before my podcast app loaded up this morning I had the realization that one Thursday when Drew says “We’re back!” it will be the last time he says it, and the subsequent Thursday, whether we know in advance or not, y’all will in fact not be back. Like all intimations of mortality, micro and macro, it…

“Garrett replied to a fan and provided a few more details about the encounter, which he described as a ‘pillow tap.’”

You only left out one detail - Croll’s call was for his confederate. 

There is something sublimely inept about the combination of the pessimism that causes one to call a series of screen passes and the optimism that designs those screen plays so that all the blockers on the screen side are running to start their blocking assignments five to seven yards downfield, when the receiver never…

Would this also work for porchetta? I’ve never gotten a nice crispy crust on porchetta. 

I would in fact not eat ivy. That sounds worse than kale. 

That’s one of the great Freudian typos of all time. 

Who could ask for more?

Only her voice, which sounds like a Muppet sucking on helium. 

Growing up in rural Ohio, I didn’t have Mexican food until a Chi Chi’s opened near us. I never knew that’s why they closed. Crazy! 

Hazing with foods at a French club would be downright crudité. 

If only I could have 36 pacesetters, bicyclists with drinks and protein, and a pace car with lasers, I think I could get out of bed in 1:59.40. 

There needs to be some sort of Oxford comma for two words joined by a conjunction or a WGA-like and/ampersand convention for sentences like this. 

From your lips to god’s ears. 

After the buns on buns shot I tried the rest of the episode to determine whose they were. They were window pane slacks but Henry and Michael were both wearing jeans and Noel had black pants. I didn’t see David’s pants afterwards, but if it was him he was making the bold fashion choice of window pane slacks and rainbow…

[Chex out]

“Dear, are you reading OldBeigeGuy puns on the toilet again?”

I really hope you’re right. But as a Browns fan, I’m uniquely qualified to see the harbingers of doom. Teams that don’t block, don’t tackle, overpursue, and rack up penalties, those teams don’t improve because the issue is poor coaching and preparation. If Kitchens was the wrong choice, by the time they realize it,…

If the preceding games are any indication the Browns will react by being completely indifferent and will prepare by doing nothing much at all.

Virtual hug, buddy. It’s been a rough week. Don’t beat yourself up.