“Who wouldn’t want to wake up snuggling a Doritos Loco every morning?”

My in-laws call our dog Gordita, but it’s not because of Taco Bell, it’s fat shaming. 

There’s a reason Snickers is behind it. 

In college, it was always like that. The bartender would announce last call at 1:59, we’d all boo, then  a quiet minute and he’d yell “1:00! The bar is open!” and the resultant cheer from slutty pirates and drunk dudes in sperm costumes would be as loud as New Year’s Eve and the Super Bowl combined. 

Ingredients. Pringles have about 42% potato content, the remainder being wheat starch and flours (potato, corn, and rice) combined with vegetable oils, an emulsifier, salt, and seasoning.

Did y’all give up on the reddening of Gruden project? I was dying to know what color came after ultramaroon. 

I just assume that Ratto posts what Ratto wants to post if and when he wants to post it, and any attempt by a Deadspin editor to climb his mountain to ask for content will be immediately smited. 

In German class our professor had us translate children’s books into English as an assignment. The one I got was sort of a Chicken Little deal where each page described how different animals reacted to a cataclysm. My favorite was “Der Fisch hatte Angst.”

Several of the writers implied that their self-loathing wasn’t even entertaining. Don’t sell yourself short, fellas! I loved the shit out of it!

I’ve said it before, but I enjoy watching him get shelled, even when it means that the Indians lose. I’m sure Bauer would say there I go droning on again, but it’s not like he can stop me. 

I don’t know. Physically iffy, long string of criminal and character issues, sounds like he has Bengal written all over him. 

“...but the Yankees’ championship window is open, and those don’t stay open for long.”

Two top ten singles and a top ten album, but you go on hating, sweety. Green is a good color on you. 

What do you call a meatball if it’s on a bun? You call it a meatball sandwich. 

That’s a whole lot of telling and zero showing. 

It’s even more incredible when you put David Robinson’s rankings next to his. Here are Robinson and Duncan’s defensive rating rankings respectively from 1998 - 2003.

I’d assume he’s like Harry Doyle now.

Silly Tebow, the cans of corn you’re supposed to catch are metaphorical!

Frozen ropes are sharp!