I know some people have complained about how much love Inside Amy Schumer gets from Jezebel but, as someone who doesn’t have cable, please accept my wholehearted gratitude for posting her clips! The woman is a genius and I love that Jezebel is giving her the shout outs she deserves.

“She clearly wanted it, officer. She left the door unlocked for me!"

At some point, I just started making a quiet keening noise while staring at my phone in horror. This has been both my best and worst lunch break ever.

“Having a drunken stranger stalk you and show up in his underwear in your apartment is a beautiful thing!” He shouted at me. “Why are you treating it like it’s dirty?”

Is this supposed to be some sort of adoring gaze? My dog looks at me like this when I put him in the bathtub.

Two five year olds looking at each other’s wee wees are “Playing Doctor”. A 15 year old adolescent molesting a five year old is not. Never mind that there were multiple victims, multiple occasions over several years, and often the victims were originally asleep, so they weren’t ‘playing’ anything.

From the makers of

A reaction of fnnnngh is entirely appropriate for those situations.

Say it again. SAY IT AGAIN.

Dude. As a woman with a Jewish (maternal) grandmother who converted during the war to Catholicism, and so was raised Catholic, but who is now engaged to a Jewish person ... I spent the entirety of this last Passover dodging questions about my impending (apparently inevitable?) conversion/education and walking into…

This is gold. Fed up service industry workers really do have some of the sickest burn skills.