Love to write shitty Penthouse Forum letters about my sex life that also mention superfluously that I went to Harvard.

Since you haven’t seen them I think you’re on the wrong course by assuming they aren’t spoof movies.

I’ve lived in the Detroit area most of my life.

Also, my fantasy team name has been “Die Matt Millen” for a decade, so I probably have to change that now. Thanks Lions.

2013 against the Ravens has a special place in my heart. That was where Justin Tucker hit a career-long 61-yarder standing atop the Lions logo to put the Ravens up 2 with 0:38 left. Lions had 3 timeouts and 0:38 to get into field goal range. Stafford threw a pick on the first play of the drive.

Drew said something years back about how the lions will invent new rules just so they can lose by them or something.  I mean the Titans Thanksgiving game?  I was at the Bears/Lions game when marty FUCKING morninwheg decided to kick in fucking overtime jesus I can’t do this anymore

Alex:

When someone is nice to you in Philadelphia that’s when you know something has gone horribly wrong. 

If Chicago is the Miami of Canada then that makes Detroit its Jacksonville.

I’m a Lions fan who has now lived in the Philadelphia area for over 20 years. The last time the Lions played here (in the middle of a fucking blizzard in 2013) the Eagles fans in the section I was sitting in didn’t bother to even heckle me, THEY BOUGHT ME A SYMPATHY BEER

I think this would be more apt:

Matt Patricia looks like he has a closet full of shirts arranged by which type of food stains they have on them.

This is true. As a Packer fan I willingly sabotage my Fantasy Football chances by refusing to draft Bears or Vikings players.  But Lions players, sure why not.

WYTS Detroit Lions addition is the only thing I enjoy about being a Lions fan all year.

My goodness I wish Zodiac Motherfucker would send in emails to Drew for this annual laughfest. Honestly reading ZM was the high point of the Lions’ season!

Reading this article is probably the happiest I’ll be during this Lions season. Imagine being the fan of a franchise and the happiest you know you’ll be during the entire football season is reading a Drew Magary piece in freakin’ July.

It’s already been mentioned but I feel the need to reiterate. The fact that we are calling the objective labeling of racism “politics” these days seems like the much bigger story here.

Right? Who would’ve thought the son of a Cuban immigrant would have issues with the white supremacist in the white house?

If you think white supremacists have valid points I'm doubting how progressive you really are. 

So ESPN has made it against the rules to call out racism?