As much as this is all satire, this is one I'd be more than happy to allow to exist.

Uhh… I'd say that rant he gave on the way out the door ("Ferrari is now American") is sort of the textbook definition of leaving in a huff.

For 30k, you could buy like 30 clapped-out ex-police Crown Vics.

Want to know why I'm sure this is fake? I've seen Russian dash cam videos of meteors flashing across the sky, ammunition depots exploding, trucks flipping multiple times over a herd of puppies. Want to know what they all have in common?

Silence from the drivers and passengers in the recording vehicles: Russians are…

"So why would the USAF build a hangar tall enough to house a jumbo jet?"

And to compete, Lincoln is building...

I would have had a hard time hiding my raging erection as a tall, blonde, eastern European woman hooned me around in a Cayenne.

Don't bring logic to a Gawker related site.

DEAR GOD SLOW DOWN AND THINK WHEN YOU TYPE.

when a dealership wants $1300 for a single side skirt, you'd best believe im gonna try and negotiate too.

Still more visibility than a Camaro...

Any snow driving trick could get him out really, he just has no idea wtf he is doing.

There'll be that one Jalopnik reader that can spot a SHO from 4 blocks away chasing you down to buy it.

2001 BMW 740i. The Transporters weapon of choice (but you need to upgrade the shocks to transport that 3rd bank robber). Buy it now for $4200. Nuff said!

Please make a Hellcat sedan interceptor, pleeeease

I would like to personally kiss whoever did the styling full on the mouth for giving the car a headlight design that can be spotted from 1,000 yards away in daylight. Hopefully the night pattern is equally as distinctive.

Actually it probably would...thats what this system is designed to do.

My Mustang has Sync, which has iPod integration. A couple of months, ago, I was in the mood for some Gedde Lee. I press the voice command button on the steering wheel.

"Car, drive the speed limit."