New York Mets

Looks like he caught a forehead on a facemask.

More like Uranus Williams ... amirite?

My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Delonte banging Gloria behind a 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.

@Gilbert Publicly Funded Arenas:

LEMME GIT SUM ELFANT EERS

Doug, what was your relationship with Lenny Dykstra like when you were competing with him for the centerfield spot in Philly?

They loved hunting, fishing, riding horses and four-wheelers.

Barry, it would make my week if you would cross-post this to Jezebel.

She helped him to his bedroom because he was too drunk, but he wouldn't let her leave ... A week later, according to the statement, Roethlisberger texted the woman to come over for a party. She ended up in his bedroom.

@roland_t_flakfizer: I see I missed this boat by a couple of minutes.

When the cops asked Clemens to tell them everything, he confessed that in 3rd grade he cheated on his history exam, in 4th grade he stole his uncle Max's toupee and glued it on his face when he was Moses in the Hebrew School play, and in 5th grade he knocked his sister Edie down the stairs and blamed it on the dog.

"If they fit the part, I would send them a message and see where that goes."

Sam, is there still (assuming there was at one time) a lot of resentment towards Dale Peck among your contemporaries? What do you think about the Flag of Orpheus project?

O'Donnell was much funnier as Tim Allen's sidekick on Tool Time.

With a little faith and love, you will .... soaaaaaaaaar

(Don't ask me what happened to Isaiah III.)

@Dashiell Bennett: Dash, how can you be sure? That sleeved blanket promotion created a lot of excitement.

"Hey, when you got to go, you got to go."