Fuck that. So much effort. I'd prefer to just be rolled in wearing my ballgown on a standing gurney, Hannibal Lecter style.

Unfortunately, EI parties are very well-attended despite their reputation. Or maybe because of it. AU is a dry campus, so off-campus frat parties are one of the only places freshman and sophomores are able to go drink (because obviously EI doesn't care about underage drinking or it's potential legal ramifications). I…

I just can't understand why the bitches aren't interested in them. It is one of life's greatest mysteries.

My favorite fact is that I showed up to the first day of swim camp the summer before high school with a white, heavy duty plastic swim cap, with applique flowers and a chin strap. Almost as cool as the picture, EXCEPT ALSO A CHIN STRAP. I had never swam on a team before and that was the only swim cap at Walgreens…

I don't know if it's a race thing (your reference to white men) or if it's just a testosterone thing. Women don't seem to have the same drive. I can't imagine a slew of powerful women getting together for drug-fueled sex parties with underage girls. That has probably happened, but it certainly isn't an epidemic. …

Depending on the kind of family you have, they might not want to report your theft to the cops. This was an issue with my friend's family where his sister got his social from their mom and she opened a bunch of credit cards. Rather than report her for identity fraud, he and his mom 'handled it.'

If someone kidnapped my dog, I would fucking murder him. That's way too fucked up.

Her TV was worth $3000? Must be a big TV...she sleeps REALLY soundly? Hang on...she was just in another room? WTF? And the dog went with him and didn't bark? Maybe she was taking a long shower...whole thing seems off to me.

(skeptical for no good reason)

Oh, you know it would turn out the guy was frustrated at the signifiers of wealth and that the woman was pressured into online dating by her sassy gay black best friend who felt she needed to stop being so career-oriented. Loosing an expensive dog (who she never took the time to really emotionally invest in, the sassy…

I love my dog dearly- and will fight to the death to protect him, but he is an absolute *asshole*. A pillow chewing, garbage rooting, cat chasing bastard. Perhaps this yorkie is also,.and the would be paramore didn't suffer an attack of conscience as much as an attack of a twenty pound terror.

Maybe he realized that he actually did have feelings for her as soon as he got home on Friday and went through a hilarious two-day ordeal (with a cameo from Zach Galifianakis) trying to return her items?

Yeah, and then he just hemmed and hawed to get out of it. I don't think he could have embroidered the truth any worse than that.

80%? Really? I imagined that at least 30% were children!

OMG that face!!! If a coyote ever saw my dog he'd be screwed. My dog is afraid of cats half his size.

That's pretty impressive. It's rare for a coyote to go after a human dog combo, especially a large dog! I got attacked by a horse and learned that screaming and arm flailing is probably the best life saving deterrent. You know, when you're without a baseball bat.

Solidly crafted!