I assume they have Jonathan on their tipsters list; they always accuse him of spreading around details about them (before dramatically realising that he didn’t).

I don’t know; people often don’t like to challenge the police and will tend to just do what they say. If four police turn up at the front desk, insistently say they need to know which room Kim is staying in and not to call up to the room... I can see the clerk going along with that. Having Kim and Kanye staying must…

Someone explained this to me once in a way that did make it make sense to me - basically, these people believe that abortion is literally murder. So, saying ‘well, if you don’t want to have an abortion, don’t have one’ is, to them, like saying ‘well, if you don’t want to murder people, don’t murder people; but it’s…

I... can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not.

Yep - as a Brit I came to say how entirely, utterly unimpressive 12 weeks of maternity leave sounds.

Did you see the pictures of his baked Alaska wedding cake at his recent wedding? Not only that, but there was an entire cake corner, of all different cakes. I would legitimately consider getting married if I could have a cake corner.

How about smiling at her? I mean, I work at a university and I generally smile at passing students; I’m not suggesting you single out just her. But I do think that smiling at people is a sign that hello, I see you, the world’s a good place with you in it, I hope you have a good day; that kind of thing. (Freshers’ Week…

Yeah, no. Maybe in the US, this would be one of those “This is about SAFETY for WOMEN!” things that consists of implementing convoluted and pointless rules to prevent ‘risks’ with the end result that access to abortion becomes incredibly limited, and pretending that wasn’t the end goal although it obviously was. In…

How did I not know Mahershalalhashbaz Ali was also in this? I was already looking forward to it, and I really like his with so now I’m even more interested.

Hansel Elegant is my favourite and my best, you philistine.

It does read as something written by someone very unaware of their own privilege. I mean, I’m sure we’d all love to spend our days exploring nature as a family and whatall but you need to be very secure in the way your life is set up on order to do so. I don’t just mean money-wise - although, a piece that waves the…

I take it you guys don’t have contactless yet? It’s great, it takes like three seconds. No pens, no PIN.

Good grief. I hadn’t seen that, and it’s horrible. Not least because she clearly means the exact opposite of what she’s saying, making it like ‘hey, little North, I hope you grow up miserable and confused because I hate your parents so fuck you’.

How can anyone’s name be Dr Vaughn Rasberry? Although, in fairness to Mr and Mrs Rasberry, it’s not really a surname that goes well with anything, so you may as well just go for it

Numpty is really quite mild, to be honest. I’d say it’s about on a par with ‘Muppet’, as an insult. You could totally call your brother a numpty in front of your nan, and get away with it.

So do pockets.

Oh, come on. You can’t expect people to go remembering exactly where in the car park they left their monarch. And it’s not like they came with remote-control central locking in those days, so you can’t just go around clicking the key and waiting for his headlights to flash...

Shit, that’s a point, I must go shopping. There’s only one million, ninety-nine thousand, eight hundred and twenty-nine days ‘til Christmas and my dad is really difficult to buy for...

Yep... it’s the wrong way round.

Solpadeine Max is the best!