Pictured: Reilly, in the midst of his writing process.

"I sympathize with Cena. You gotta hate getting a right hand directly in your grill. It completely kills the flavor and Christ does it take a while to scrape out."

Wow. I guess in even our most conservative states you can find Bears being probed and violated if you look hard enough.

Buy me some peanuts and Apple Jack/ I don't care if my gums all turn black...

The Royal County Down's layout changes look remarkably similar to this, except that their twenty-first actually has three iterations.

Just goes to show you that no matter how far women advance, there's always a man at the top of the ladder.

No surprise that Haywood harbors no ill-will toward Howard, as whenever a player starts a beef with a member of the Magic it's promptly eaten by Glen Davis.

Hopefully he'll be healed back to perfect health. We hope to see you again soon!

Sure, no further violence was taken during the game, though afterward Jimenez and everyone else even tangentially associated with the Indians organization was slaughtered by Col. John Chivington.

It's no surprise Bedard is enveloping himself in all this shit, as he's clearly never been able to resist a hot Carl.

Pictured: Jacobson's career going down smoothly.

Pornographic film "Pubes 'n Asses" was Axl's last, ill-advised attempt to return to the national spotlight.

[Redacted for redundancy]

First, there's not just one snitch

I like the Broncos' signing, as the Foreskin Baron brings a lot to the table: fourteen quality NFL seasons, Super Bowl experience, and an affordable yet delicious line of Kosher frozen pizza products.

I appreciate the effort, PunditTracker, but you've overlooked Jay Mariotti's 100 percent hit rate.

"Bullshit," "Ridiculous," "Pissing me off," and "Hopefully it never happens again?" Brutal as it may be, I've never heard my sexual prowess described so succinctly.

"Good for the city of Omaha, but I found the key to Ellenberger back in 2008."

"An inexplicable floating fuck, huh? Never heard of that."

Full nudity, friction, and liquor license are all pretty awesome, but I'd say the Queen of Hearts will always be Jackson's best bet.