Mick Foley may be a beast in the ring, but he's a big softie everywhere else. Watch For All Mankind: The Life and Career of Mick Foley, and join us in the comments on Friday at noon ET to discuss. – Sponsored

God you're pathetic. If it makes you feel better about your life to assume that people that disagree with you are a caricature then by all means, keep it up. It's hilarious. Trolling is the act of making stupid insults when you aren't smart enough to make an argument. I was trolling when I called you a 13 year old.…

*Drops mic, walks off stage*

I hated the NFL draft before it was cool to hate the NFL draft. Buy me a PBR.

[A harsh light shines on a figure in the middle of a basement interrogation room. The figure is an older man, wet with perspiration and squinting defiantly through a freshly blackened eye. Before him, an imposing man looks down menacingly, with an FBI badge on his chest and a touch of grey on the temples of his…

"neighborhood list-serv"

You sound super underemployed.

When I drink, the south comes out hardcore. Aside from the occasional "I'm fixing to do something" you will rarely hear it otherwise.

Whomever the Browns pick will have the worse career. Did the study mention that?

The study concluded that the Pro Sports Franchise Edition of QuickBooks was the best choice. The accounting department has been pleased with the results. Unrelated: the entire scouting department has been fired.

Shouldn't they have done that in 2012.....so they could have drafted Kirk Cousins instead of Brandon Weeden? I mean EVERYONE thought that was a terrible pick. Why the hell did they pick him? Unless they paid someone $50,000 to tell them that he was the most effective....

Gentlemen, I know how anxious you've all been during these last few days. But now I think I can safely say that your time and money have been well-spent. We're about to witness the greatest miracle of the machine age. Based on the revolutionary Computonian Law of Probability, this machine will tell us the precise…

The study now has the fourth-best QB Rating in Browns history.

Wait, wait, wait... I've been in a cryogenic chamber since 2007. Is Brady Quinn ready to retire already?

This is wasteful. It's practically the same as when I put a whole buck into the vending machine for a cola, but then it wouldn't dispense my beverage, so I hit the red "return" button, which only gave me a shitty corroded 1987 Denver Mint quarter back, which I know because I asked the helpful lady to identify it,…

"And according to our research, the best candidate is...FRANCE??? Oh for fuck sakes."

It's still that guy on the Sistine Chapel, right?

Dad: Well maybe if you let me wear a glove I wouldn't have made that mistake!