“That’s not your clipboard!” *slap*

Children only confirm that the mother has had sex.

Because you deserve it. Shut the fuck up.

Shut the fuck up already.

That’s not how I remember Pearl Harbor at all.

He’s not quoting government bodies, he’s snidely saying “some people” in a fashion where he dodge any hear that follows from the claptrap he’s about to unleash.

A gossip mindlessly parrots what other people are saying. A journalist researchers what other people are saying to decipher whether or not it’s bullshit. Which one is Stephen A?

Adult supervision is required.

This is how Miguel would kinja.

Is understanding how lists work a liberal art?

+1 old guitar and an empty bottle of booze.

Both statements end with a collision and a splatter.

When it comes to Martin Short, it seems like his prosthetics team is doing all the acting for him these days.

+2 dive, 1 sweep, punt.

The Mack hit the best stunner of the year during his match against The Machine on Ultima Lucha. 3:53 if it doesn’t start there automatically.

Player: What’s for lunch today, Coach?
Chip: Fish and sea greens, plankton and protein from the sea.

Good for you, Chucklefuck.

“That tweet didn’t say anything about it being MY prescription. Whatever an MAO inhibitor is, I’m sure grandma will be fine if I serve her dry turkey sandwiches until the refills kick in.”

It’s dial lock operated.

“What am I supposed to do with players after a World Series win? Trade them all, of course...”