And why is “ugly women” not a category? Or are they subsumed into “losers”?

I mean it’s ONE banana, Michael. What could it cost, ten dollars?

Upper East Side? I’m guessing drunk out of her mind.

“She was inside the hospital in a climate-controlled area with access to her cellphone, access to the Internet and takeout food from the best restaurants in Newark”

Am I the only one who remembers these from the early 00s?

once the guy at the old magazine shop gave me an emergen-c

If I’m paying 31 million buckaroos for my wedding, it must include Idris Elba interrupting the proceedings, declaring his everlasting love for me and marrying me on the spot while David Bowie sings “Life on Mars.” For starters.

Maybe you should stop arguing emotion and go read the 14th Amendment. All kids born here are US citizens. The. End.

I say we just let Texas secede, so long as they take Florida with them.

To my dear Mexican-American brothers and sisters in Texas,

I am looking to hire cooks and waitstaff for my newest restaurant - Punchie’s This Is How We Serve It.

I’ve spent my entire life leaving bad reviews about myself, I mean, once my badness was drilled into me by my parents: 1. A bit bipolar 2. I’m a phony, but a real phony. 3. Substance issues galore!!! 4. Lazy 5. Not as clever as I think I am. 6. Everyone is looking at me! 7. I'm hopeless with puzzles, and not the…

Don’t make fun of our vowels and I won’t make fun of yours. Our laptops are made by blackberry and, like enforced wearing of lululemon we must purchase them all. It’s basically a soviet gulag up here. We can only clean our bathrooms once a month when the lysol shipments from the usa arrive. someone send help. or build…

In a perfect world, ten and 11 year olds wouldn’t be sexually active, all pregnancies would be planned, and we would take care of those unable to fully care for themselves.

“A smaller person would comment here about glass houses.”

RATE MY BABY 5/5 STARS NOW.

Calling this situation (people hating peeple) misanthrAPPy

God, it must really be awful for those creators to have a bunch of people on the internet making assumptions about their intentions and criticizing them publicly. Good thing it’s only on twitter though, imagine if there was a whole app, just for that!

All I hear is an angry man yelling a whole lot because the buffet line has brussel sprouts and he HATE brussel sprouts and how dare they offer brussel sprouts when he hates them so much that he doesn’t want his adult daughters to go anywhere near those brussel sprouts.

Why are the people most determined to reproduce always the last people who should be reproducing?