I got a math degree because the humanities kids had a million papers to write and the science kids had 8 hours of labs a week. I tell people my degree was because I really love math, or because I wanted to have a wide variety of options if I chose to go to grad school, but the honest to God reason was because I didn’t…

Oh my God I just had a huge realization. I didn’t like basketball when I was a little kid not because my tastes changed but because basketball sucked in the 90s.

Holy shit look at his Jeff Daniels ass face there.

Gearbox needs to figure out that in order to have effective comic relief you need to have moments without comedy. Every character in Battleborn is trying to scramble to the top of the funny robot pile and it’s more annoying than anything else.

“Indivisible since 1776 except for that one time that most of our core consumers still wished went the other way”

Racist dink and Captain Respectability Politics unite to form: bad TV no one will watch

It really is amazing how Halo and COD are all slowly unifying. The premier bro shooters of the aughts are becoming one.

The day Deadspin stops using dank is the day Jezebel stops using “woke bae”.

You know you could just call it a design failure, right? Like not everything has to be a lulz epic fail xD. Especially when you can literally just add ‘ure’ to the end of the headline and have it mean the exact same thing without looking like an embarrassing youtube compilation.

I just figured it out B)

I’m leaving for a 7000 mile road trip in literally an hour and I’d love to use Waze if there was any way to keep the map vertically and north-south oriented. Having the map rotate as I turn makes me get lost almost instantly, my sense of absolute direction is really good so having it thrown off for the sake of left…

In Anno Domini Two Thousands and Six and Ten we do not need fucking laugh tracks holy shit.

When I was 6 and playing Yellow for the first time I found a pidgey in the Veridian Forest that was a single level higher than Pikachu. Naturally I abandoned Pikachu instantly for the better Pokémon. Pikachu became my legendary tank and fainted like 25 times and cried whenever we talked.

The way to tackle that issue is to say “this person did monstrous acts but is a human being with a story of their own” now “he was nice in high school! He couldn’t have done it!!!”

Baiten Kaitos 100% takes 350+ hours, most of which is spent AFK waiting for an item to evolve at an arbitrary, incredibly long time. The item takes 336 hours to change from shampoo to splendid hair. You literally do nothing but sit in a room for 12+ days.

I mean, I’m sorry. I prefer talking to people who aren’t shitty awful people that don’t understand how the world works. So I’ll talk to people that do.

But seriously fuck you and fuck this attitude and the 45 people that starred it, you’re all shitheads.

Oh yeah, I always prefer when someone who has a criticism of something tells me to do something instead. Remember Roger Ebert’s seminal essay North Was Bad But Criticism Has Been Declared Haram So I Will Instead Recommend Pulp Fiction or Top Gear The Hummer H3 Was Bad But We Much Preferred Driving The Honda Fit So We…

Uhh, hate to break it to you but everyone has already noticed this.

I often think about how dangerously close European culture was to picking legs/feet as the obsessive paraphilia directed toward women instead of breasts.