Elton John: Don't worry, Michael, it gets bett-

All Super Bowl prop bets are bad bets.

I hate every NFL owner.

"Those aren't thugs! They're goons!"

“When you're good at something, you'll tell everyone. When you're great at something, they'll tell you.”
― Walter Payton

that is all.

It's pretty appropriate, since the Pats won't survive if they don't find a way to stop the White Welker.

My favorite aunt, Julie . . .

Holy shit. My entire perception of Dan Le Batard just changed in an instant.

What a great performance by LeBatard, but his Deadspin HOF candidacy is tainted by the era in which he works at ESPN.

Thanks for doing this Dan.

The enforced secrecy is due to the fact that the UTEP players won't be charged as adults.

I've seen her top somewhere before...

I don't see any reason to drag the husband into all of this.

MOM: [gathers kids around kitchen table] I'm sorry, guys. The last thing I ever want to do is embarrass you or make you look silly. You know that, right?

I love it when people just straight up own their decisions instead of blaming alcohol. This woman dove at an entire group of people after being restrained, kicked wildly at some person's head, and just said, "No, I wasn't drunk. This is the kind of decision I make when I'm stone sober, and, yes, I'm not ashamed and…

Win a shitty winner meets a sore loser, somebody's getting boot printed.

"I'm not sure if the guy restraining her was her husband or not—they weren't sitting right next to each other"

Technically her two nieces were also crying.

Do you SEE??? This is exactly what people from Alabama said would happen. Black guys coming in and taking away all the white women. It's a damn shame.

White people are fucking crazy.