Hey, what about slipping off the road and catching leukemia?

What, no Catfish?

Troy's hair is actually a wig. Now there's a real hoax.

AHHHH!!! You scared me Dave, I thought you were dead, gone for so long and all.

In short I got in a car wreck, caught leukemia, was part of the moon landing, and then lost the National Championship.

No actually he loved my huge throbbing cock. He was pretty good at covering that up too, if you know what I mean...

You're telling me man...

Damn straight I'm a 99 TROLL EXPERT.

I know! Darnell Dockett didn't even get at me!

That asshole never had them delivered to me! I knew Manti was cheating on me.

You got me, I'm a paid agent of Gawker Media.

He isn't a victim, he colluded in the entire fabrication of the story and reaped the benefits of a Notre Dame lusting media machine spewing out his made up sob story.

I think he's crying because he's realizing that any cred they had developed throughout the season is going the way of Lennay Kekua.

He's taking advice from me and disappearing.

That's funny, he never tweeted me his digits.

I think he did it just to get more attention for himself.

I think he did it just to get more attention for himself.

I can't believe you've been cheating on me.

Well this is awkward...