He was sentenced to three years summary probation and a 52 week sex-offender rehabilitation program, but he will not need to register as a sex offender.

Farmers do not raise animals out of the kindness of their hearts. An animal that is bred as food owes its life, however short, to the fact that it will be eaten. The cow, notably, is not native to America. Neither is the pig. Neither is the chicken.

House them where their gender would normally be housed.

It’s a silhouette of Lisa Simpson.

BRB going shopping. Gonna put that thing all ova muh bawdy.

Mike Jeffries is here tonight; he’s winning the Swarovski Prick of the Year Award.

What else can you wear that is so comfy and allows unfettered access to the good parts while making out on the couch and pretending you are watching a movie?

Great. First Lawn Darts, now this. Is there anything kids don’t ruin for the rest of us? These things are going to taste like shit now.

Was Fallout 3 any less fun because it wasn’t the most amazing human / physics simulator??

Unrelated to just about everything: this is your best seasonal/topical name change yet.

Hi. I’d just like to point out that, at this time, no less than 42 strangers are pleased with your bowel movements.

This is what happens when people have more money than taste.

“Gays have a higher rate of mental illness than do straights...”

The right wing will always be against public education funding; the educated poor tend to vote Democrat. They understand that supporting public education means supporting their downfall, and will put it last on their list of priorities, if not actively try to destroy it.

In the moments after the shooting, Pamela Geller, the group’s founder tweeted, “This is a war.”

People. Please. STEP AWAY FROM THE PHOTOSHOP.

impotence, a condition he has suffered from due to gunshot wounds and prostate cancer.

I support this person’s choice to exercise sovereignty over his own body.

I will be eternally disappointed that you didn’t record this interview.