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Ben has several championships
and a gray pe-nis
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In racewalking, one foot must be in contact with the ground at all times. Whereas in running there is no such rule.

“Mets fans only started caring last year about slides at second base”

Eh, f*ck that guy

Because it doesn’t take place in a kitchen?

Dude set EIGHTY world records. Insane. Not sure who the most dominant Russian athlete of the latter half of the 20th century was: Vasily Alekseyev, Aleksandr Karelin, or Ivan Drago

Why yes, yes I do

Point of order, the Undertaker’s finishing move is properly called a “Tombstone Piledriver”, not just a “Tombstone”

Occam’s Razor says that the simplest answer is that they just changed the Instragram filter

Actually we prefer batteries

airing of greivances

It would have been funnier if she called him a Loudmouth Schnook instead

FYI, Alexander Cirk is a fake name. Turns out his real name is Manti Te’o.

“Yup, those are my readers”

Worse is probably that some marketing genius convinced the parent company that it would be a good idea to call itself “Yum! Brands”

Conversely, on the list of best names I would include the time period when First Union Corporation held the naming rights to the arena that the Philadelphia Flyers played in. It was popularly called “The FU Center”.

Third World gonna third world

I lived in a frat house for 3 years. It was immaculate because we had organization and planning around how to keep the place clean. And the biggest prick of the upperclassman was voted in as house manager every year and held everyone accountable to do their jobs. The really painful stuff (the basement and first floor…