Side note: every time I dislodge a large chunk of ear wax, I always think these things:

Not a job interview, a class assignment for journalism. For once I kept my cool and batted it away without calling attention to what was going on.

When I’m showering, I let the water fill up my ear while pulling on my earlobe. Tilt my head until the water drains out, then release my earlobe. Repeat on other side, and no more wax issues. This is from a guy who once had a cornflake-sized chunk of wax come out during a college interview.

As much as I hate people who clog up a gas pump to go inside, I hate people who leave their car parked at the air pump much, much more.

I thought this was Geoffrey Rush. I even blurted “Casanova Frankenstein!” when I saw him.

Whenever Robert Mueller is on TV, my dog growls and barks.

Hence my nickname for the franchise: Bad Decisions on Parade.

Best utensil for salad? Chopsticks. If you have the dexterity to eat sauce-coated noodles and clumps of rice as well as hunks of meat, you can handle a bowl full of salad with chopsticks.

I learned long ago that it is a mistake to try to assess a writer’s psychological makeup based on their work. After all, fiction is a creative act of imagination, make-believe.

New name for Playboy Club: Anachronistic Times.

I really hope that Burt Reynolds’ coffin has the Firebird emblem on it.

To my mind, this is a lot like those “she used to be hot, NOW look at her!” clickbaits. It assumes:

It was flu season.

If I know I’m going someplace, I will charge my phone 100%. My wife, however, is addicted to letting her phone run completely empty before charging. That bugs the crap out of me, mainly because she’s a heart patient (for peace of mind, I want to know she will have a means of calling for help if she needs it), but also…

Ha! Trick question!  NOTHING is beneath Donald Trump!

Mom: Why would a 16-year-old boy want to spend his summer vacation laying around watching The Price is Right?

Other things people think they’re good at but really aren’t:

Jaws is my go-to example of a movie that was better than the book. The movie drops all the soap opera drama of the novel — the affairs, the drugs, the politics, the class struggle — and focuses on the giant killer shark.

I can’t hear the name Downton Abbey without thinking of:

We pulled the old carpet out of our basement and decided to redo the flooring. Instead of getting new carpet, we decided to first paint the concrete floor in FlexSeal (for waterproofing) and then getting the cheapest vinyl tiles we could from Menard’s.